[JacobSky]

I'm currently not poly. In fact, I'm nothing at this time, but single. Still, I have for the last three years been considering this as an option for me in the future.

Around the year 2000, when I was 20, I purchased a small black and white printed magazine in an adult shop called Bayou Swingers. I had read about threesomes before in a few Penthouse mags or in some sex story magazines, but the reality that people were "really" had threesomes and foursomes didn't sink in till I bought Bayou Swingers. I was very aroused by some of the ads. The descriptions of what people were looking for aroused me more than the pictures. I purchased a few of those over the next couple of years then bought my first laptop in 2002. Well, earlier that year, an older male friend of mines that had a computer mentioned the Adult Friend finder site to me upon showing him the Bayou Swingers publication. I had remembered that and was quick to find AFF once online. I joined it that summer and met with my first couple and had a wonderful time with the wife, and good conversation with both of them. I then dated a girl while in college for a year in Texas. I mentioned thresomes to her and she had no interest. Things ended as I returned home to Louisiana. I did nothing in 2004 except for reading about sex and relationships on the net, worked, and took a couple of part time classes. Then in the spring of 2005 I returned to the college, but was single this time. I placed another ad and met with two couples during 2005. I met with one of those couples quite a few times. Also, at the beginning of 2005 I started reading about polyamory. I found just a tad of info about polyamory here. I then found a couple of poly and open mairrage yahoo groups. I also found the Liberated Christians website among a few other poly organizations with poly information.

If I remember correctly, after a few issues of Bayou Swingers, I started to desire to fall in love with a woman that were into swinging. I was awstruck by the wifes that were bi and by the wifes that fancied well endowed men, or both. I wanted to have a partner like that oneday. I didn't just want a bi girl to join in with, but I really liked the open-mindedness of bi women. I've been a kinky explorer sexually......even while alone......for as long as I've been sexually active. Bi women seemed to share my adventurous views.

I had never let the the desire for a LTR with a sexually liberated woman go away. Having met with my first swinging couple in 2002, then being in a monogamous relationship for 2003, I began to wonder in 2004 about true love between swinging spouses (with their own partners) and so on. I also realized that I preferred to really like the woman that I was having sex with, even someone elses wife. I realized that I needed to like them for who they were as a person. I didn't need love per se.

So then, in the spring of '05 I was reading those site on the net that I mentioned above and meeting with two couples during that year for "no strings sex".

With the last couple that I was with that year, I held back from getting too emotional, but I felt the urge. I wanted to be able to be a bit more romantic and touchy feely, and not just sexual. Things ended well, but I moved on. I'm now in living in Texas (JP51 mentioned horses above, that's what brought me here also).

While reading things at the poly groups and websites, I discovered that many different types of poly relationships existed. I learned about triads, quads, V's, and so on. I also read on a thread here how in some situations "some overlap exist between swinging and polyamory". The poly groups admitted that also. Some members there had poly commitments, but still participated in no-strings sex on occasion.

I then learned about polyprimary relationships at about that time. It was said that couples in such a relationship considered themselves to be primary lovers, and all other lovers secondary lovers. The primarys shared finances, homes, childrearing etc..... while they had side relationships with the secondaries. It was mentioned that the husband or wife may feel love for their secondaries, but at the least they were a friend with benefits. Something important about the polyprimary relationship was the power of "veto". Meaning that it was agreed upon ahead of time that the other spouse had the right to veto the other's choice of secondary for an appropriate reason.

It seems to me that this polyprimary setup is quite similiar to having close friends with benefits. It is really just the next step up though in that love, commitment, atatchment, and maybe even pregnancy could be shared. It has been mentioned here and elsewhere that all non-monogamous relationships fall somewheres in the spectrum between pure no-strings sex and deep loving polyamory. I believe that this is the case.

I do not feel that I could be in a quad, triad, or V any time soon in my life. My family would give me an extreemely hard time. A polyprimary relatiohsip would probably suit me best considering my family and upbringing. Also, I still have the desire to focus most of my atentions on one woman. I may be able to share a bit of that with a secondary, but I'll have to see when I cross that road. I do believe that I could share my partner with another man or woman though, without having to have a secondary for myself. This comes from a deeper feeling that I may not be enough to keep one woman satisfied. I fight my sexual and body insecurities with rebellion . Also, I can see how such freedom would add to a woman's life. I would love to share a part of a woman's life and sexuality in that way.

As for me being a secondary while single, and maybe later. I'd be happy to be a secondary to a 30's or 40's sexy married woman. I would really like to have a deep bond with such a woman. I'm busy trying to get a few things started in my life, and this may be the best thing for me till I meet a special woman for a primary.

I was also worried about confessing these feelings here for fear of scaring off a potential "no-strings" partner or partners. I felt the same about mentioning that I've had interpersonal struggles with conflicting beliefs about religion, mostly due to my sexual desires. Yet, I feel that I'm going to tell all now.