 Re: Are we being used??? do we move on???
IMO, you aren't being used. The other wife had a genuine concern she needed to address. And kudos to you for seeing the problem and stopping the play. I would say since you have invested the time to become good friends, to step back away from full swap with them for the time being but remain good friends, maybe some soft swap if she is comfortable with that. But from your post, I got the impression that she was not all into it even during foreplay. So, you might want to consider that when deciding on whether or not to continue soft swap.
I would also sit down with them, and explain that you are their friends. And at anytime someone is not comfortable say something. Don't just "lay there and take it". State this more than once, make it clear, and explain that no hurt feelings are going to result. This might make it easier for her to speak up. And if you do get back to full swap, make double sure everyone is comfortable.
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