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Originally Posted by 4sum TeamSoBe
I suppose what it comes down to in the end is personal integrity. I think we've all been around long enough to realize that honesty has little to do with marital status. I think the fundamental issue here is that when we play with someone, it is a reasonable expectation on our part that the other people are as they represent themselves to be, and act as they say they will. When someone starts out fundamentally misrepresenting themselves, it's bad. That's pretty obvious to you and I, and most other relatively sane, ethical people. But to someone who's life agenda has subbordinated everything else just to getting laid...well, you get the idea. To these people, everything that isn't their own personal gratification is incidental. Including respect for the very people supplying that gratification.
I'm not limiting this to Single Males, either. But the couple where one spouse has dragged the other unwillingly along, or people who intentionally promulgate mis-information about anything from sexual preference to weight, age or a plethora of other demographics.
Though you started this thread just to gripe, it has taken some pretty interesting side trips. Probably because what you're mostly talking about is the expectation of integrity. We expect people to have a similar degree of integrity to our own. When they don't the result can be anything from exasperation to physical danger. |
I agree. If I may add up some other reason (that I already told in other posts), it has to do with the integrity expectations, but not only from the people we choose to play with, even more important, from ourselves.
When we agree to play with a cheater (IF we do agree, of course), we'd be endorsing and justifying an attitude that, if we were sharing it, it wouldn't allowed us to start swinging in the first place without hurting our feelings. Once you choose to be upfront and honest with your spouse, a requirement to swing, you commit yourself to stick to your choice. If you endorse the deceptive and dishonest attitude a husband have when cheating, you're making an statement that could apply to yourself later on: that the end justifies the means, that you too can be deceptive and dishonest given the case, in order to fulfill your personal desires, disregarding your spouse ones and his/her feelings.
So, it is also a matter of self integrity. One of the worst things you can do to people is to pushe them and make they do something going against his or her personal values (the utilamte example for this are when kids are forced to kill in a war). When a cheating husband request to be accepted, he isn't just asking us to "fuck our wives", he is asking us to betray our beliefs and everithing that was required to make it possible for us to swing.