The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Was she Cheating or am I just over reacting?

The_Poker · 10-24-2006, 11:22 PM

Hi everyone. This is my first post here. I have been visiting this board for some time and the advice I have picked up has been great. Now I have my own situation that I would like your thoughts on. Forgive me if this post gets long I feel I need to explain a chain of events.

I am a 31 year old male in a relationship with a 35 year old woman. We met on a swingers website nearly a year ago. Therefore sex has always been something of an open topic for us. As far as actual swinging goes we have only had one threesome. However, my girlfriend has/had an aweful lot of (generally male) IM contacts and met a few of them before we met.

Back in May my girlfriend had a gangbang with another girl and seven guys behind my back. She told me about it a few months later. It was upsetting but despite that I forgave her and continued the relationship. It did cause some trust issues that still continue.

A few weeks ago one of her 'friends' (that she has never actually met) rang her at 3am whilst he was having sex. He thought it would be hot to talk to her whilst fucking the girl he was with. My GF told me about the phone call the next day thinking it would make me horny. However the opposite happened and after some thought I got very angry and told her how wrong I thought it was that some guy I've never met rang my girlfriend at 3am to have phone sex with her. If she didnt stop any and all contact with him immediately we would be finished. Which she says she did straight away. Consequently we removed all profiles from any swingers sites.

The latest event involved an old contact of hers that she had actually deleted from her IM list but he contacted her. After some general chat it turned to sex, generally it was discussed, what we do between us was discussed and a photo of myself in a compromising position tied to a bed was shown to him, which she says he masturbated over. I consider myself to be bi curious but it made my skin crawl when I heard that. I told her that it was totally unacceptable to show pictures to anyone else without my permission and that I didnt want her talking to any other man about sex...period. I know that she was still talking to one guy that she had been with about sex between them and her fantasies. She assures me that its all talk and that they arent doing anything.

Finally my questions are. Have I overreacted to any of these events? Does the fact that we came together as being sexually open change the impact of the events described? I still like to think that we could one day do a foursome as a couple but on my terms and not with someone she already knew before me. Is that selfish? I feel like she is cheating on me by chatting about sex online with guys. Is it really cheating or am I over reacting?

Thanks in advance for your help.

10-24-2006, 11:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
The_Poker Registered User Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 1 Location: Australia	Was she Cheating or am I just over reacting? Hi everyone. This is my first post here. I have been visiting this board for some time and the advice I have picked up has been great. Now I have my own situation that I would like your thoughts on. Forgive me if this post gets long I feel I need to explain a chain of events. I am a 31 year old male in a relationship with a 35 year old woman. We met on a swingers website nearly a year ago. Therefore sex has always been something of an open topic for us. As far as actual swinging goes we have only had one threesome. However, my girlfriend has/had an aweful lot of (generally male) IM contacts and met a few of them before we met. Back in May my girlfriend had a gangbang with another girl and seven guys behind my back. She told me about it a few months later. It was upsetting but despite that I forgave her and continued the relationship. It did cause some trust issues that still continue. A few weeks ago one of her 'friends' (that she has never actually met) rang her at 3am whilst he was having sex. He thought it would be hot to talk to her whilst fucking the girl he was with. My GF told me about the phone call the next day thinking it would make me horny. However the opposite happened and after some thought I got very angry and told her how wrong I thought it was that some guy I've never met rang my girlfriend at 3am to have phone sex with her. If she didnt stop any and all contact with him immediately we would be finished. Which she says she did straight away. Consequently we removed all profiles from any swingers sites. The latest event involved an old contact of hers that she had actually deleted from her IM list but he contacted her. After some general chat it turned to sex, generally it was discussed, what we do between us was discussed and a photo of myself in a compromising position tied to a bed was shown to him, which she says he masturbated over. I consider myself to be bi curious but it made my skin crawl when I heard that. I told her that it was totally unacceptable to show pictures to anyone else without my permission and that I didnt want her talking to any other man about sex...period. I know that she was still talking to one guy that she had been with about sex between them and her fantasies. She assures me that its all talk and that they arent doing anything. Finally my questions are. Have I overreacted to any of these events? Does the fact that we came together as being sexually open change the impact of the events described? I still like to think that we could one day do a foursome as a couple but on my terms and not with someone she already knew before me. Is that selfish? I feel like she is cheating on me by chatting about sex online with guys. Is it really cheating or am I over reacting? Thanks in advance for your help.