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Originally Posted by InNY I am a 51 year old male. Wife is 47. We both come from a fairly conservative backgrounds, more so for my wife. Our kids are grown so we are empty nesters. We are both fit, attractive and easy going. I have a desire to branch out beyond our conservative upbringing but my wife won't even consider it and the situation might even get ugly if I brought it up. |
Hi InNY, does this mean that you have
not brought up swinging, so far? You said "if" you brought it up, so it sounds like you haven't. What do you mean, "might even get ugly"? Do you mean she'd get upset, cry, ask questions, wonder what you're up to...or more along the lines of she'll think you're a freak and decide to leave you?
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Originally Posted by InNY We vacationed at Hedo II early this year and spent some time on the nude side but she would only take her bikini top off. She kept her bikinis bottoms on and I know she felt pretty uncomfortable the entire time with just being topless. |
Personally, I'm seeing this as her stepping out of her boundaries and comfort level, just to try to raise up to your level and to
please you. I think that going to Hedo II for a vacation and walking around topless publicly is a very brave and bold thing for most conservative middle-aged women to attempt to do. Instead of knocking her for not dropping her bottoms on this trip and not being wilder, maybe you should be appreciating and applauding her, complimenting and praising her, for stepping out of where she was comfortable. Think of it this way: she made herself uncomfortable just for you. Think of that as a gift. It was perhaps a first step for her.
I think you sound impatient, wanting her to change everything about herself overnight, on one vacation. If you try being patient, use lots of sincere PRAISE, consider her feelings all along the way and appreciate EVERY effort she makes, she may come along more than you think she might.
However, if you get all disappointed and whiny everytime she doesn't go as far as
you wanted her to in that moment, she'll likely draw back from it.
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Originally Posted by InNY What I need the opinion on is has any couples ever come to the marriage breaking point because one person wanted to get into siwinging and the other didn't? If this is something that I have decided I want to pursue I don't want to regret later in life that I didn't do it. But, on the other hand I feel I need to respect my wife's wishes as long as we are together. |
As a husband, whether you're swingers or not, your mate should ALWAYS come first, no matter what. You should respect your wife's wishes whether you're in swinging, or not. Ask any swinging husband on this board, and they'll all tell you that respecting your wife and never pushing her past her pace is the #1 rule in swinging. This is true of seasoned swingers, too.
In that last paragraph I sensed that what you mean is you're struggling with whether to "pursue" this on your own (as in, behind her back), or respect her wishes for the two of you to not swing. Just know that if you are pursuing it on your own and without her consent, you will NOT be swinging, you'll simply be cheating. That's right, nothing more than just plain old-fashioned cheating. Swingers aren't cheaters. Swingers are people who respect each other, communicate about everything all along the way, make up their own rules and boundaries on what swinging is to them, and then stick to their promises to each other about their boundaries and comfort zone. Yes, even in swinging, there are boundaries and there is respect of one another's wishes and feelings.
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Originally Posted by InNY Then other times I think maybe my wife and I have developed different views on life and we both might be better compatable with someone else. |
It sounds like your wife's views on life aren't different from the girl you married. She was conservative when you married her and she was who you wanted, right? It sounds as if you're the one who's changed, and you might be resenting the fact that she's not changed as fast as you have, right along with you. However, does she even
know how much you've changed? Does she know all that you really
want of her at this time in your life? If you want someone in your life to grow and change WITH you, they have to know who you are and where you're going. You can't do all this inner changing in secret and expect her to know where you're at. Communication is everything. Right after respect and love, that is.
If you would learn to open up your heart to her and really share with her what swinging would mean to you, such as how you want to share it with her as a couple and rekindle your passion and flame for her (it's not about you getting off, not about all these other women), she will actually have the opportunity to find out who you really are. She might even meet you halfway, if you're patient and truly loving about it. Don't be a phony person with her. Doesn't she deserve better? You can't get truly close until you learn to open yourself up and be really honest.
Best wishes to you both.