 Re: When 2 + 2 = 3.
If you haven't had a MFM with him since he started dating her exclusively then he doesn't have to worry about her finding out. What he did before becoming exclusive with her really shouldn't matter, and if it does, then she's not the one for him anyway.
This is his decision to make but I think you two are right in not seeing him, intimately, until she knows and either agrees or leaves.
I admire your decision and I know it's difficult for you. Great threesomes are a little rare.
Good luck, and hope she's cool and joins you.
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