cracker, I feel for you and your situation with your wife and her cancer. I hope the best for you two whatever that is for each of you.
To answer your questions:
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The old girlfriend may laugh at me, she may rebuff me. But I must know if it could have been her and I if I had never left, and is there anything left between us. If so, I want her in my life, not a flaming torch but an eternal flame.
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You're going out on quite a limb here. She may hold some hidden flame for you for the past 50 years, but chances are she looks at it as a 15-year old crush and you are waxing about a love that never would have been. I've heard of people getting together after 50 years, but it is uncommon.
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I would describe that as being ready to cheat. I know what you are going to tell me. But does 56 years of wanting someone, in one hand weigh any less than 7 years and a commitment to a future of love and respect for my wife in the other hand?
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Yes it does. One is present and right now a for sure thing, the other is fantasy.
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I am now 63 years old and wife 56. Do I have to sacrifice something I have wanted almost all my life? Can I love my wife and another too wihout being a real sob of a husband?
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You can, but to not be a "real SOB" all parties involved have to be in the know and approve of such a relationship.
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I will never get another chance in my lifetime.
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How can you say this? It's been 56 years and you're still getting chances!
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My wife and I have been swingers and she would have gone along with a full swap, but this involves the way I feel and is not a swing issue and she is not able to have full sex with the cancer, even if it was.
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I think it can be a swing issue. There have been other threads on this Board about if you would want your partner to swing if you were injured or ill and were unable to fulfill them sexually. As I recall, most every response on these threads was a resounding "yes". Mrs. WS and I have talked about that too, and we both agree that we would want the other to have a "friend" on the side to fulfill that for each other if either of us was unable to due to illness or injury.
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Even though this is not about swinginging, it is about 4 people, feelings and sex.
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Exactly, it is about four people, feelings, and sex. The key here being four people, two of which may not be so hip on you and your fantasy of 56 years having a relationship. Two people may get hurt, and that makes it wrong on every level.
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What do I do? I value the wisdom of all of you who reply to these lifes' issues. Is "cheating" ever justified? I cannot tell my wife I am going out to see someone I loved almost all my life and she has to stay home, can I.
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I don't know, can you? I could, but then again Mrs. WS and I have a relationship built on trust and honesty and we have covered the subject of illness and injury and sex as well as having a "friend" on the side even now.
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If attraction to someone is what makes sex okay for swingers and love for their spouse necessary for their marriage, what is the difference here?
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The difference it that what you are suggesting here is lying to, and cheating on your wife. Swinging is doing neither. Swinging is done with the full knowledge and consent of your spouse. What you are telling me here is nothing more then a married guy not getting sex at home and wanting to hook-up with swingers to get a little secret sex.
Mr. WS