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cracker60479 · 08-27-2006, 01:40 AM

I wrote the Charity Sex thread. You said 100 percent, no attraction, no sex no matter what you thought of the person or saw in them.
The attraction thing, my marriage and another woman are what this thread is about. I love my wife. I would never leave her. We met on the 'net and found so many things that make us alike and right for each other. We are soul mates. We cannot survive without each other. Yet, as much as I love her, the attraction is not there. We had both been divorced for a while and finding each other brought interest. We talked for a long while and it became clear we would have sex the first time. It took about 10 minutes, after talking for two months, and we were naked on the floor. I had taken Viagra and it continued all night. It was enjoying this excitement of somone new that was the attraction. We were sure we were right for each other, lived together about 6 weeks and got married. The initial excitement began to wane even as the realization that in all other ways we were perfect for each other.
I lived in Illinois, fell in love with a girl when we were 6. Puppy love. But at age 15 I knew I wanted to marry her and the farm style life I wanted us to have. Suddenly my family moves to Florida and the last night I see her I want to tell her I love her, always will and will never forget about her, but was only 15 and didnt. I moved back 3 yrs ago and 2 yrs ago saw her at a class reunion. We hugged and I saw in her eyes the 15 year old girl I loved 45 years ago. After moving to Fla. I had dreams of her, literally for the past 47 years now and not one about maybe a couple dozen girl friends, a first wife or my present. There is a place in the heart of my mind for her and no one else. I feel the same about her today as I did all those years ago. She is divorced and has a live in boy friend.
I will see her at another reunion and want to tell her what I have felt all these years, she is the only one I have ever really wanted in my life. I love my wife. I am not attracted to her. I am attracted to a girl from my past and I cant help it. My wife has stage four cancer and I will always be there for her, and will never let her find out, but I want the other woman. I married for better or worse and will keep my vows. The old girlfriend may laugh at me, she may rebuff me. But I must know if it could have been her and I if I had never left, and is there anything left between us. If so, I want her in my life, not a flaming torch but an eternal flame. I would describe that as being ready to cheat. I know what you are going to tell me. But does 56 years of wanting someone, in one hand weigh any less than 7 years and a commitment to a future of love and respect for my wife in the other hand?
I am now 63 years old and wife 56. Do I have to sacrifice something I have wanted almost all my life? Can I love my wife and another too wihout being a real sob of a husband? I will never get another chance in my lifetime.
My wife and I have been swingers and she would have gone along with a full swap, but this involves the way I feel and is not a swing issue and she is not able to have full sex with the cancer, even if it was.
Even though this is not about swinginging, it is about 4 people, feelings and sex. What do I do? I value the wisdom of all of you who reply to these lifes' issues. Is "cheating" ever justified? I cannot tell my wife I am going out to see someone I loved almost all my life and she has to stay home, can I.
If attraction to someone is what makes sex okay for swingers and love for their spouse necessary for their marriage, what is the difference here?

08-27-2006, 01:40 AM	#1 (permalink)
cracker60479 Active Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 39 Location: Verona, Ill (near Seneca)	Is cheating ever justified? I wrote the Charity Sex thread. You said 100 percent, no attraction, no sex no matter what you thought of the person or saw in them. The attraction thing, my marriage and another woman are what this thread is about. I love my wife. I would never leave her. We met on the 'net and found so many things that make us alike and right for each other. We are soul mates. We cannot survive without each other. Yet, as much as I love her, the attraction is not there. We had both been divorced for a while and finding each other brought interest. We talked for a long while and it became clear we would have sex the first time. It took about 10 minutes, after talking for two months, and we were naked on the floor. I had taken Viagra and it continued all night. It was enjoying this excitement of somone new that was the attraction. We were sure we were right for each other, lived together about 6 weeks and got married. The initial excitement began to wane even as the realization that in all other ways we were perfect for each other. I lived in Illinois, fell in love with a girl when we were 6. Puppy love. But at age 15 I knew I wanted to marry her and the farm style life I wanted us to have. Suddenly my family moves to Florida and the last night I see her I want to tell her I love her, always will and will never forget about her, but was only 15 and didnt. I moved back 3 yrs ago and 2 yrs ago saw her at a class reunion. We hugged and I saw in her eyes the 15 year old girl I loved 45 years ago. After moving to Fla. I had dreams of her, literally for the past 47 years now and not one about maybe a couple dozen girl friends, a first wife or my present. There is a place in the heart of my mind for her and no one else. I feel the same about her today as I did all those years ago. She is divorced and has a live in boy friend. I will see her at another reunion and want to tell her what I have felt all these years, she is the only one I have ever really wanted in my life. I love my wife. I am not attracted to her. I am attracted to a girl from my past and I cant help it. My wife has stage four cancer and I will always be there for her, and will never let her find out, but I want the other woman. I married for better or worse and will keep my vows. The old girlfriend may laugh at me, she may rebuff me. But I must know if it could have been her and I if I had never left, and is there anything left between us. If so, I want her in my life, not a flaming torch but an eternal flame. I would describe that as being ready to cheat. I know what you are going to tell me. But does 56 years of wanting someone, in one hand weigh any less than 7 years and a commitment to a future of love and respect for my wife in the other hand? I am now 63 years old and wife 56. Do I have to sacrifice something I have wanted almost all my life? Can I love my wife and another too wihout being a real sob of a husband? I will never get another chance in my lifetime. My wife and I have been swingers and she would have gone along with a full swap, but this involves the way I feel and is not a swing issue and she is not able to have full sex with the cancer, even if it was. Even though this is not about swinginging, it is about 4 people, feelings and sex. What do I do? I value the wisdom of all of you who reply to these lifes' issues. Is "cheating" ever justified? I cannot tell my wife I am going out to see someone I loved almost all my life and she has to stay home, can I. If attraction to someone is what makes sex okay for swingers and love for their spouse necessary for their marriage, what is the difference here?