Doesn't sound healthy to me.. Everything we have read on this post and experienced together revolves around a strong relationship with great cummunication (spell check?). Definately NOT doing anything that would make your partner feel ill at ease. Also we NEVER play the game of "if you can do it so can I". There is no "getting even", it's all about a strong couple sharing for mutual pleasure, thinking of the partners feelings first. Now, there are times when I (male half) will talk to people and mail them, get to know them etc. but this is more a part of the screening process for potential partners. Once it gets to the level of acceptance I am comfortable with I then share this with my wife. She just couldn't be bothered with all the tedium of finding a potential couple. With that said, I have never nor would I ever meet with someone a couple or single without her being involved. Everything has to be laid out on the table. We are a team, partners. As to him not "playing" with you..
all the searching and looking and talking and sharing does nothing but make me a more amorous lover to my wife and vice versa. We are fortunate enough to have a healthy love making session at least 4-5 nights a week, sometimes more..
Everyone and every situation is different so what I say and feel about your post might not really pertain to your situation. I do believe that most people that reply to you will tell you to TALK to your mate. Sit down and share whats going on.. stay on the same page.