I feel there really are the two disctinct schools of thought on this: some swingers that freak-out at the mention of any emotions whatsoever and some polys that would never call themselves swingers. Yet these two groups also coincide sometimes. It's like two circles just barely overlapping, you have swingers on one side and polys on the other, and a select few overlap. What some swingers do may be closer to poly and what some polys do may be closer to swinging.
I feel that Mrs. WS and I fit into the overlap area. We don't carry-on poly relationships with everybody we swing with, but it has happened once or twice in the past. And this relationship served its purpose well at the time.
But some swingers are afraid to go there emotionally and some polys are afraid of what they perceive the stigma of being "swingers". The fact is that there is a big group of cross-overs and they are just as right in what they do as the two seperate groups are in their respective worlds.
This was the topic of another thread
Loving your swinging partner recently, and you can see the distinct opinions there.
I fully understand where you are coming from, and I believe there is a huge group of swingers out there that are looking for a little something more then just a quick screw. A group that a relationship like what Mike an Jan refer to, which can be very good indeed.
Mr. WS