Hell, I'll bite on this one until the ladies chime in. I'm a married regular guy who belives he satisfies his wife and other partners quite well. While I am endowed with an average member, good sexual health and knowledge make it very desirable.
First, "how to use it" is an improper term. You're not "using" your penis anymore than the woman uses only her vagina. Herein lies the meat of the matter. For a man to be a truly good lover he has to first understand the female anatomy. Basically we're both the same. Head, shaft, sack. Clitoris, vagina, labia. They all start out the same, a little hormone here, a little hormone there and viola, one-eyed-monster.
Knowing that they are both basically the same organs will help you to have better sex. The head of your penis is a wonderfully sensitive area just like the clitoris. So if it feels good to have that stimulated then vice-versa. While yer at it, the shaft needs a little attention, so on to the vagina.... Oh, but don't forget to play with those balls when giving a blowjob ladies... so remember that labia... Get them all together for a hoedown and you've got yourself an orgasm.
I always try to put myself in the womans shoes during sex. (hehe no comments about that please.) What feels good to me usually feels good for her. What I mean is that if I like it when a girl sucks on the head of my penis and plays with my balls at the same time then she would most likely like it if I sucked on her clitoris and played with her labia at the same time.
Of course I've only dealt with the genitals here and I could write a whole book about breasts. I always look at sex like dancing. You gotta move all the parts, keep a good rythm with your partner and don't stop until the song is over for both of you. And sometimes you just have to grind together until you're sure that your pubic hair has turned to diamond from the pressure.
If there are any men out there that don't fully understand the female anatomy I would highly recommend the Discovery Health Channel. They have some awesome shows about human sexuality and how it evolved. We've even evolved sexually so that it is more likely that pregnancy will occur during simultaneous orgasm.... look it up!