Mrs. Pump,
From the paragraph you wrote I highlighted what seems to me it's the core of the problem:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by pumpkins1970 I didn't know about any of this intill after it happend, and I think he just told me out of guilt, but I'm very hurt and angry that he did this to me and really don't know what to do about it, I feel that it was cheating and it does not set right with me. |
Just from your words I cannot tell anything about Mr. Pump, however he posted his point of view and it seem to correlate whit what I have to say. But let's forget for a moment Mr. Pump post.
Whatever you husband did, you assumed he did it
to you, even when he may be done it
to himself.
A relationship is built around actions, actions tells us way more about the feelings than the words. However, for those actions to make sense, they have to correlate with our expectations.
So, half of the problem here is what he did (the action), and the other half is what you expected from him.
It may be possible that there is a shared responsibility here, and at least you should consider your share. The question to ask to yourself is: "if he were aware about your expectations for his behavior, do you believe she would have done this anyway?".
If the answer is "no", then you failed to communicate him your expectations, and whatever he did that hurted you, wasn't mean to be done
to hurt you. Something like, he stepped over you toe, it hurts, you'd have the right to yell and complain, but you may not have the right to
blame on him unless you know for sure he knew your toes were right there.
Any commitment, of every sort, have clauses telling both parties their rights and obligations. When we give us permission to swing, we're giving up certain clauses that are valid and implicit for the marriage, and we do our best to rewrite some clauses to preserve ourselves. When we fail to rewrite a clause, things like this are likely to happen.
The question is, what the two of you are up to do about this. I believe the wise thing to do is: learn from the experience, ammend the rules, heal yourselves and let the other part participate in the healing proccess. Perhaps you'd stop swinging for a while, at least until healed. In any case, I am convinced if you two manage to do this, you'll end up having a way more stronger relationship.
I hope the best for you two.