Mr. & Mrs. Pumpkins, I sincerely hope this works out for the two of you. Mr. Pump, you seem very sincere. It's often WAY too easy to hurt our loved ones, even though we try our best. Then we have to berate ourselves for our recklessness. And Mrs. Pump, it's also way too easy to get caught up in the feeling of the hurts that others have caused, making it difficult to forgive them for it.
The good news is that you're both in the lifestyle, so you KNOW there's just no need to lie to one another about this stuff. That makes life so much easier. All that's left is learning to trust one another's intentions. Mrs. Pump, you know Mr. Pump wouldn't do something like this on purpose, don't you? He loves you more than to give you up for some silly infatuation, right? If he has apologized for it, and is sincerely sorry for his blunder, then you should really just let it go. So it hurt. So what? Are you going to allow a perfectly good relationship to be ruined because you're focused on
feeling some unpleasant emotions? Or are you just going to see these unpleasant emotions as signposts to a way to improve your relationship? You got lemons. So make some lemonade.
Even if he did make the grave error of leaning too far toward actual intended adultery, everyone makes mistakes. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a myth. It's true more often than not, of course, but swingers are a rare breed who thrive on honesty. If he made this kind of mistake, and he regrets it, you can bet he regrets it to the Nth degree. Everyone makes stupid mistakes. Again...would you allow a single lapse of judgment to determine whether your marriage will continue or not? It's just MHO, but I wouldn't if I were you. Habitual lying and disrespect are another matter altogether, but a single incident that will never be repeated is, in fact, forgiveable. It just sucks.
Best of luck with this, guys!