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Originally Posted by pumpkins1970 we play together as a couple and do not play alone,
and we are very open with one another,
but he has been talking on the computer with another female ( I think it is getting a little out of hand) he talks to her every night on the computer and even told her where he was working (knowing that this girl likes him, and would show up there) and he even put on one of his nicer work shirts. I didn't know about any of this intill after it happend, and I think he just told me out of guilt, but I'm very hurt and angry that he did this to me and really don't know what to do about it, I feel that it was cheating and it does not set right with me. He has said he was sorry, but I'm having a very hard time accepting his appology, and maybe this thread is for me just to vent, but I never thought it would come to this point.  |
I think you have every right to be hurt and angry. My husband and I swing, but I would be equally upset with what your husband did. This scenario isn't about swinging, at all. In swinging, everything us up front. This meeting that he arranged with a girl off the 'net was behind your back.
I get the impression that this girl isn't a lifestyle connection, and she's got nothing to do with you, right? Just some girl he started talking to, and now talks to every day? This isn't about swinging - this is about him developing some sort of relationship or connection with another woman. You said she "likes him" and he knew she'd come to see him - sounds like they've been nurturing a crush - feelings for each other.
You said that you "play together as a couple and you don't play alone". This is the agreement the two of you have. But, your husband doesn't seem to be respecting this boundary in a non-swinging situation, such as telling a woman where he works without your knowing it, and having her show up there to meet him - without you.
You said "we are very open with one another", but he hasn't been open with you about what's going on in his head about this woman, and why he would go behind your back.
I hope your husband really IS sorry, as he's decided to tell you about it after the fact and apologize. Now he should prove it by cutting off contact with that girl. If it were me, it might take me some time to rebuild my trust in him, since he met her and who knows, maybe he's got her phone number now, maybe he'll plan to meet her again, maybe she'll show up where he works again. He'd have to earn my trust back. YES, you have sex with other people when you swing, but there's nothing in the least bit sneaky or separate about it.
In our case, from the beginning of exploring the Lifestyle, we share one joint email account and one IM account as a couple. Even if one of us is writing a friend while the other isn't there, we can go back and view everything. We even do the courtesy of leaving the IM conversation up on the screen so it's there to see when the other gets back. We don't even respond to Lifestyle personals without making that a joint decision. When we have established Lifestyle friends, we may have conversations with them separately, but like I said everything's in the open and can be seen. This really cements the trust we have in each other, and it's part of the mutual respect and regard for each other that's so important to be able to swing and feel great about it.
I'd work this out with your husband and be
really clear what the boundaries are. He needs to know what the lines are, and not cross them anymore. He crossed the line big-time with meeting this girl. Personally, I think daily chats like he's been doing are crossing the line. If he's sorry and wants to fix this, he needs to stop
all of that, in my opinion.
I hope that everything works out for you!
