This is really a pretty common situation, one partner wants to try it and the other has some jealousy (read: insecurity) issues that put the brakes on it. Her situation where her husband is all about her being with another woman and him being able to partake of her too is also very common. This is not a threat to his masculinity, but rather a boost to it. Introduce another man though and it’s a show stopper. Like you mentioned, this has to do with jealousy issues on his part.
She has every right to want the ability to sample other men if her husband can sample other women. Other then sampling other women herself, what is in it for her? It would seem that the husband benefits the most from the situation he is proposing. It is only fair if that is the way they agree to play. The key word here being “agree”. If it doesn’t work for both of you it doesn’t work for either of you. So if he wants to move forward with a FMF then in this case he is going to have to concede to MFMF or MFM also.
Her husband asked "Tell me how our relationship wouldn't change, and how we'd still love each other if we were sleeping with different people?!?" Well, he needs to ask himself this question. How can he have sex with another woman and this won’t change their relationship or his love for his wife, but his wife having sex with another man will? How can he believe he can do it, but not her? This is insecurity.
When we first got into the Lifestyle I had to deal with some insecurities that I never knew existed until they came-up. I was all for it, then crap floated to the surface that I didn’t even think of. The long and short of it is that I am not an insecure person, and I didn’t like how I was feeling because it was not in alignment with who I am or who I wanted to be. It took awhile, but I worked on myself and today I don’t have those insecurities and I like myself allot better. I had to realize that Mrs. WS wasn’t doing anything wrong, she still loved me more then life itself, she wasn’t going to leave me over some other guy’s dick, she didn’t diss me to have sex with someone else. In short, she was doing nothing wrong, so why was I feeling the way I was?
When I looked at it with an open mind it came to me that I had had good sex with other women in my life, Mrs. WS had good sex with other men before we met, so why are we married to each other and not others? It has to be more than just the sex. Swinging has really defined this aspect of our relationship. We tend with much more care to the other aspects of our relationship that make us a couple.
Now how does she talk to him about it? That is a hard one. If he is unreceptive than nothing she says will sink-in. If he is, then they can have a rational discussion and get somewhere. The key is going to be non-confrontational and really listen to each other, not just hear the words, but hear what the other is saying. It is also going to require going in with an open mind and trying to suppress preexisting ideals about love and sex and sex and love.
How is their relationship going to change if they have sex with others? Well, if it changes like most swingers have, it will be for the positive. They will, like I mentioned above, really find out what makes them a couple. But you can’t be scared of what you’ll discover about each other and yourself. I can tell you from experience that it is a wonderful discovery and I’d could never go back to a relationship the way it was before swinging. Doesn’t mean that I’d have to swing if I was married to someone else, just means that I couldn’t settle for the relationship status quo: the surface stuff that everyone excepts as a relationship. I have seen the truth and it can never be ignored again. Call it “relationship enlightenment.” What I thought made a relationship several years ago was only half true. You never know how free you can feel until you release petty jealousy and love someone for who they are, not who you want them to be; or until you see how they love you for who you are and not what they want to change you into. It’s this freedom that makes you crave your spouse even more. This is a concept that probably many would have trouble wrapping their minds around.
If swinging has done one important thing for me it has made me free in that I don’t have to deal with distrust, jealousy, and possessiveness that many others do. I know that Mrs. WS is with me because she wants to be with me, not because I am forcing her to. I don’t have to be suspicious of what she is doing when we’re not together. This part of my life is not a huge stress. I am happy.
Did I answer your question… probably not, but I had fun writing this.
Mr. WS