[Dave_kat]

Dave here, and I've kinda been following this in the background.

We've had a somewhat similiar experience in this type of situation. We met a couple who at first we thought was pretty cool. We were the experienced two in the group, and things were going well.

They preferred different location. They would come over, we would hang out, and he would choose to leave and leave his wife with us. Basically he was "penis shy." We were cool as a group, and he managed to let his guard down before Kat had a chance to go spend some time at their place (we do play alone if everyone is cool with that, different reasons for us etc.)

He started showing a very sexist attitude, something that Kat finds very demeaning. Also he started making a lot of discriminatory remarks regarding gays (Kat's brother is VERY gay). Needless to say, after all of this, Kat took a "No, not going to happen" attitude and stuck by her guns. She didn't have problems being friends, everyone is entitled to their own views, but for her, the sexual attraction was gone. Even after all of these comments, events, etc, she continued to hang out with them on a friendship level (although she and his wife would continue to have sex occasionally)

Kat also told him this in no uncertain terms. He though, allowed his wife and Kat to continue until I returned from OIF I. He would be present, but to my knowledge, did not attempt things with Kat. Afterwards, it was an email saying that because Kat wouldn't play with him, he felt the need to break things off.

I respect Kat, respect her decisions, and bore no ill will towards who I thought would still be friends.

It wasn't until later that we heard from mutual friends about the badmouthing, the claims of inadequacy, and some other torrid comments about us, best left to middle school locker rooms.

Its amazing how people can be on their best behavior and how the true colors eventually come out.

Because of all of the "after" actions, we've broken it off completely. No more talking, no more hanging out.

I suggest you do the same and to go on. Chalk things down to bad experiences. Hurt people will say and do things they never meant, but that is no excuse for the follow-up emails, for the phone calls and all of that.

Do not let them get you down about your performance or your manhood. Is your wife happy with you and how you perform in bed? That's the only real importance. There is another thread on women and orgasms, some good insight about how some women just cannot have an orgasm without their husband there. Maybe, just maybe, they aren't as "experienced" as you might have thought.

These things happen. Relationships end badly. I've always thought of swinging as a double date. You can have some great double dates, but once someone has an issue, it ruins the whole thing for everyone. It takes maturity to not act like we're back in high school with the name calling and the bad rumors.