The Swingers Board - View Single Post

upst8cpl · 07-01-2006, 01:59 AM

At the risk of getting flamed.... I am gonna thow my 2 cents into the hat as well.
YoungnHot...I think you need to accept some of the blame for this problem yourself.

First of all, a few drinks at a party is expected, any more than that and you risk making an ass out of yourself. We have attended many lifestyle parties over the years and nothing turns us and others off quicker than to see someone getting drunk at these functions. If you wish to continue in this lifestyle, I think a good place to start would be to stay sober at all functions where sex may be an option. I personally will start the night off with a Jack and Coke or two and then it's Coca-Cola for the rest of the evening. Why?....Well...weather you wanna be or not..YOU are your partners protector at these events. IMHO all men in this lifestyle have the responsibilty to keep thier wives safe and comfortable. How can you watch out for her well being when you're half in the bag?

Second..I think you need to step back from the situation and consider your involvement with the other couple. You were allowed to play with the other female and you Did. Your wife was allowed to play with the other female and she Did. It sounds as though the only one left out of the mix was the male half of the other couple. You can not expect this to go on without someone getting upset or tired of the situation. You also need to ask yourself...Was your wife "forced" to play with the male half of the other couple, or is she TELLING you that because she knows you are too insecure to handle the truth. It's my opinion that a womens largest and most important sex organ sits above thier shoulders. Meaning their mind...If a ladies brain isn't in the right place, then anything lower than that will not allow an orgasm to happen. She must have been more comfortable than she is leading you to believe IF she actually came 4 times,.... it has nothing to do with G-spot stimulation. You can not force a woman to cum...it's just not that way for them.

Third...This may sound harsh but, Read a book, do some experimentation. Get some experience. This may help with your insecurities. The G-spot is not some secret trick that swinging men use to lure women into a relationship. It is however a very sensative and pleasureful area for a woman to have stimulated, and will in some cases cause female ejacualtion. If your wife has the "gift" read up on it, learn how to give her that experience for gawd sakes...you owe it to her and to yourself to be the best lover for her, that you can be. This will put any insecurites behind you.

My fourth and last suggestion would be to commincate!!! Not only with your spouse but also with the couple that you are invloved with. Set boundries and discuss them with your spouse and everyone else you may be involved with. Be open, be honest let everyone involved know what your intentions are and what you expect to get out of the experience. Ask yourself...Would the male half of the other couple ever agreed to you 4 playing as couples, IF he had known from the start that you wanted him no-where near your wife? Did you communicate this to him from the begining or did you kinda leave that out of the conversations in order to get what you wanted out of the relationship? For us...We think of this lifestyle as a picnic..If you don't have a dish to pass....Don't bother cummin'. If you had told me that I was not going to be involved, my wife and I would have given eachother the "look" wich means "time to move on". I think most couples would have done the same.

Please don't think I am being judgemental towards you...I am merely trying to steer you in the right direction. It honestly sounds like you and your wife need to take a break from the lifestyle for a while. Talk about everything involved in the lifestyle. Find out what you're comfortable with and what you're not. Maybe take some time to build a better, more open relationship together. Experiment with eachother find out sexually what makes the other one "tick". Maybe even mend the fence with the other couple, with no sex invoved for the time being. I think, if you were to communicate to them your fears, problems, insecurities and expectations. You would probably find out that they are still the friends you once had outside of the bedroom. I honestly believe the e-mails they sent you were simply a reaction to being hurt.

Good Luck,
Mr. Upst8Cpl

BTW...Mr. Menage ..I agreed with you whole wholeheartedly. If I repeated any or all of your statements....Sorry. But. I think you hit the nail right on the head.

07-01-2006, 01:59 AM	#45 (permalink)
upst8cpl Registered Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5 Location: Elmira, NY Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:upst8cpl	Re: Sexual Blackmail At the risk of getting flamed.... I am gonna thow my 2 cents into the hat as well. YoungnHot...I think you need to accept some of the blame for this problem yourself. First of all, a few drinks at a party is expected, any more than that and you risk making an ass out of yourself. We have attended many lifestyle parties over the years and nothing turns us and others off quicker than to see someone getting drunk at these functions. If you wish to continue in this lifestyle, I think a good place to start would be to stay sober at all functions where sex may be an option. I personally will start the night off with a Jack and Coke or two and then it's Coca-Cola for the rest of the evening. Why?....Well...weather you wanna be or not..YOU are your partners protector at these events. IMHO all men in this lifestyle have the responsibilty to keep thier wives safe and comfortable. How can you watch out for her well being when you're half in the bag? Second..I think you need to step back from the situation and consider your involvement with the other couple. You were allowed to play with the other female and you Did. Your wife was allowed to play with the other female and she Did. It sounds as though the only one left out of the mix was the male half of the other couple. You can not expect this to go on without someone getting upset or tired of the situation. You also need to ask yourself...Was your wife "forced" to play with the male half of the other couple, or is she TELLING you that because she knows you are too insecure to handle the truth. It's my opinion that a womens largest and most important sex organ sits above thier shoulders. Meaning their mind...If a ladies brain isn't in the right place, then anything lower than that will not allow an orgasm to happen. She must have been more comfortable than she is leading you to believe IF she actually came 4 times,.... it has nothing to do with G-spot stimulation. You can not force a woman to cum...it's just not that way for them. Third...This may sound harsh but, Read a book, do some experimentation. Get some experience. This may help with your insecurities. The G-spot is not some secret trick that swinging men use to lure women into a relationship. It is however a very sensative and pleasureful area for a woman to have stimulated, and will in some cases cause female ejacualtion. If your wife has the "gift" read up on it, learn how to give her that experience for gawd sakes...you owe it to her and to yourself to be the best lover for her, that you can be. This will put any insecurites behind you. My fourth and last suggestion would be to commincate!!! Not only with your spouse but also with the couple that you are invloved with. Set boundries and discuss them with your spouse and everyone else you may be involved with. Be open, be honest let everyone involved know what your intentions are and what you expect to get out of the experience. Ask yourself...Would the male half of the other couple ever agreed to you 4 playing as couples, IF he had known from the start that you wanted him no-where near your wife? Did you communicate this to him from the begining or did you kinda leave that out of the conversations in order to get what you wanted out of the relationship? For us...We think of this lifestyle as a picnic..If you don't have a dish to pass....Don't bother cummin'. If you had told me that I was not going to be involved, my wife and I would have given eachother the "look" wich means "time to move on". I think most couples would have done the same. Please don't think I am being judgemental towards you...I am merely trying to steer you in the right direction. It honestly sounds like you and your wife need to take a break from the lifestyle for a while. Talk about everything involved in the lifestyle. Find out what you're comfortable with and what you're not. Maybe take some time to build a better, more open relationship together. Experiment with eachother find out sexually what makes the other one "tick". Maybe even mend the fence with the other couple, with no sex invoved for the time being. I think, if you were to communicate to them your fears, problems, insecurities and expectations. You would probably find out that they are still the friends you once had outside of the bedroom. I honestly believe the e-mails they sent you were simply a reaction to being hurt. Good Luck, Mr. Upst8Cpl BTW...Mr. Menage ..I agreed with you whole wholeheartedly. If I repeated any or all of your statements....Sorry. But. I think you hit the nail right on the head.