The more I hear of the story the more I think you and your wife should take a break from swinging and start from scratch. Here are the big issues:
- You are at a party and proceed to get drunk, leaving your wife unattended. She may not be a child who needs watching but she may have needed your support or presence. There can be lots of predators out there
- She says she is not attracted to this guy and yet she allows him to have sex with her
- Your wife does not speak to you first before she plays alone with this man
- He brags about his skills with your wife in front of you, has sex with your wife without your consent or knowledge??!!
- The wife of the couple tells you to pressure her and beat her if necessary
I think first off you need to end it with this couple.
Then you need to sort out your problems - Rules are there to keep everyone safe and happy, you can change them as required TOGETHER, but breaking them is not acceptable.
You need better communication. It is apparent that you are getting most of your information as to what happened from the other husband while your wife says next to nothing.
For swinging to work you have to have trust, communication and respect for each other - I don't see a lot of that going on here. The problem is not the couple attempting sexual blackmail - all you had to do for that is tell them to take a hike, the problem is you are forgetting that you are responsible for the happiness and safety of each other. I know this may sound harsh but this whole situation just gets worse every time I read something new about it.