[Menage_a_Trois]

I am have a different take on this. I know that some of you will not agree with me and that is ok. I also expect to be flamed a bit by what I am going to say……….
You need to take ownership here and realize that all of what has happened is your fault. I know the other couple said one thing and then did another, but you and your wife are responsible for what you do. The other couple may have tried to manipulate the situation, but YOU ( both of you) allowed that to happen.
You met a couple that was more experienced in the lifestyle with a different agenda than you had. You stated that all you were looking for at first was for the women to play. That went along for a bit then they offered to let you have sex with the other woman, which you did and then you also had a few 3some with your wife and her. Even though it was not in private or behind closed doors it still happened. I realize that you are new and inexperienced, BUT how could you think that IF you were having sex with the other woman that her husband wouldn't want to have sex with your wife?! Your first mistake was thinking that it was ok for you to have sex with the other wife and that there would be no expectation of your wife having sex with him at some point. I know they told you that it was ok, but MOST people expect that couples will reciprocate at some point. Now before everyone flames me for this comment... Political Correctness aside, Yes it should be that way, but the reality of it is that MOST people in the lifestyle expect equal treatment in a swapping situation. After all it is only fair. I know there are exceptions, but by and large that is how most people feel. Unfortunately for you this couple manipulated you and the situation to get what they wanted. If you are only comfortable doing girl/girl then that is ALL you should do. It sounds to me that you thought you could have your cake and eat it too ( playing with the other wife and him not playing with yours). I realize that you are new and trying to find your way, but you have to understand that although this other couple didn't really play fair, it was you and your wife that actually caused this to get out of hand, by NOT sticking to what you both felt comfortable with. I personally don’t understand how you can do soft swap, run around naked, her sitting on his lap, being touchy feely, and have sex with his wife and then be surprised that he wants to play as well. Perhaps, this couple thought that since you were new and inexperienced, if they brought you along gradually, that you would relax and be ok with ALL of you playing. I am NOT saying that the way they did this was right, I’m just offering a suggestion to their motivation. Again, if you or your wife is uncomfortable with anything thing that happens (no matter if you like the couple or not), it is up to you both to stop what is happening and NOT cross that line. I wonder how many other mixed signals you sent this couple along the way, maybe the reason for the ultimatum about your wife putting out was because they thought that all of you were going to be having sex. (not just you and your wife and the other woman).

When we first got into swinging an experienced couple that we met gave us some advice that helped us a lot... Everything is either black( out of bounds) or white( in bounds), there is NO grey area. If something comes up that you haven’t discussed or encountered before it is a grey area. If that happens it has to be off limits, no exceptions, until you have a chance to discuss it. Never discuss a grey area when it comes up, wait till you are alone with no outside influence and talk together about how you feel about it. That way no one feels like they were talked into to something. You come to the conclusion on your own, together. Then that grey area becomes either black or white. Seems so simple that it would happen automatically, but in reality when you are faced with a situation you hadn’t thought of or encountered, you’d be surprised. One of you will think it is ok and the other will not. Better to be safe, than sorry.

As far as your statement about this being a Polyamory relationship, do you even know what that is? Sounds more like two couples that
Became close friends, had fun together, even got to know each others family a bit, maybe even were a bit exclusive about playing. But a polyamory means to love more than one person and to have a full relationship( not just friendship) with those people. I have known a lot of swinging couples over the years that had an exclusive swinging relationship with another couple, but that doesn’t mean they were polyamours.

As far as the “g-spot trick”, stimulating a woman’s g-spot is no trick and it isn’t a way to make a woman become emotionally attached to someone they found unattractive. Attractiveness is much more than just the physical appearance. I get the feeling that you felt threatened by that because he did something with your wife that gave her pleasure that you didn’t have a clue about.

What I am trying to say by all of this is that yes couples should respect your comfort level and not break your rules, BUT if that happens you have a responsibility to each other to make sure things don’t get out of hand. At the end of the day you two have to be comfortable with all of this, if the other couple isn’t ok with that, then that is their fault not yours. Perhaps that is not a couple you want to spend your time with anyway.

Mr. Menage