I can think of two suggestions here.
1. You mention that you split off into twosomes, why not try staying together as a 4some. Get a king size bed or make a palat(sp?) on the floor to have enough room for everyone. That way you are still in contact with your wife and with the other woman at the same time. The other guy can have the same pleasure... so it's almost like everyone is getting a 3some (or moresome).
2. Viagra. Many swinging males encounter problems staying hard when they are playing with people other than their usual partner. They are used to their partner and don't have to worry about whether they are doing the right thing or this or that.. and can just concentrate on having fun. Often all those worries can outway the fun and cause the "shy member" problem. It's pretty simple to get a prescription for Viagra and it will help a lot in swinging situations, especially when you are with new couples.
3. (I know I said I only had two). Try getting to know your partners better. The more comfortable you are with them out of the bedroom the more comfortable you will be with them in the bedroom.
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