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Originally Posted by liv2 My husband and I have just had a conversation regarding swinging! I have just read some threads and the conversation was tears and talking, although he was very hurt that I got upset.
My husband is concerned with the fact that he is going to get bored of our sex life if it continues the way it is (but assures me that he is happy! (?)).
I guess I am just very insecure about myself and need huge reassurrance that everything will be fine. In some ways, by being told that my sex life with him is potentially boring, I am feeling even more insure and now pressured too.
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Hi Liv2,
For all of these reasons, I'd say you have a whole lot more talking to do before you decide anything about getting back into swinging.
Why did your husband feel so "hurt" that you got upset when he introduced the idea that you should start swinging, due to his getting bored with your sex life the way it is? I believe that
any woman would feel the way you did. If my husband was bored with our sex life the way it is between the two of us, I wouldn't be swinging. I'd be working on things between us, first. For us, swinging is
only icing on the cake, and nothing more.
Some people think that if they get into swinging, it will fix problems in their marriage. That couldn't be more wrong. I wonder if your husband thinks that swinging will "fix" things. Swinging works for couples who are on solid ground in all areas of the relationship.
I would suggest that you have your husband read this. Help him to really know and understand your feelings about swinging, about sex, your relationship, and your feelings about your body. It's much more important that he understand and respect your feelings, and that the two of you work these things out.
"ADVICE on how to get rid of these damn insecurities about my looks"
I don't think this is the main issue for you right now. Almost all women have some insecurities about their looks/bodies. The best way to get beyond those is to lower perfectionistic standards (like thinking you aren't worthy if you don't look like a model), love yourself the way you are, and enjoy physical fitness and an active lifestyle on a regular basis. I think that the more positive, active things a person does with their body and the more fit they get, the more they love their body as it is, flaws and all. A woman seems to really get in tune and in touch with her body through physical fitness, including sexually in-tune. There is a whole lot more, like exploring your own sexuality (nothing to do with swinging), to gain confidence that way. Explore your body, your sexual thoughts and fantasies, and more. Learning to become more open
with yourself and within your marriage can expand your passion and just the sheer joy of being in your body. This is the sort of thing you may need to work on first, before swinging can work out for you.
If you eventually swing, you want to do it freely and
very willingly, not needing to drink alcohol just to get through it.
Best wishes to you.
