Mrs. Fuse, I hear where you're coming from. Here's my concerns from the outside looking in.
IF Mrs. H was okay with you two playing together because she recognized that she just doesn't want to give him all the sex he needs, then it would be cool. She may like not having that pressure put on her. Having known each other for so many years makes it a bit easier for you two also. And knowing he has desired you for so long is a huge turn-on for you.
But from what you said here:
Quote:
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As far as I know, he hasn't had an affair. He is not into casual sex -- he wants an affair, with all the emotions that would go with it. He feels unappreciated, not desired, and dismissed sexually at home, and wants validation so badly it's palpable.
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he is looking for more then just a sexual outlet. He is looking for a relationship. You'd turn into his emotional tampon. You already have a relationship with your husband, and I can guarantee trying to fix his relationship will put stress on your relationship with your husband. It's one thing to validate him sexually, a whole 'nother thing to fill the other voids his wife should be. This will lead to nothing but a clingy boyfriend, as you seem to already of thought of.
Basically, you can't save him. He's chosen this life and chooses to continue in it. You are right when you say (based on the above quote) that having sex with him could just make his situation at home worse.
I'd say drop it. Let him find his own way. You'll end-up losing a friend over it.
It's easier to make friends of swingers than swingers of friends.
Mr. WS