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Chicup · 06-08-2006, 10:46 AM

I have been patient now for 13 yrs.

First mistake, you should have been patient the first 3 weeks. You have waited far too long.

My ex and I were into swinging and I have always wanted to get back into it. I knew that I could'nt push Deb my (my wife now ) into it and have never pushed or really even brought it up for fear of completely offending her.

Big BAD secret. I can understand not bringing up your sex life when you are first dating and the like, but sooner or later you should at least let her know who did some of these things if they still interested you. If she was the kind of person who would be offended perhaps you should have taken it as a hint and found someone else. Harsh I know.

She told me a long time ago that if I were going to fool around on her to please tell her first. Well I think that's what I going to do. I don't want a divorce because I love her and we have worked hard to build a life together. We are happy in just about every other way.

This tells me that she knows shes not what you want sexually. She also appears to not care about that aspect of your relationship. It sounds more like a good friendship than anything else. The fact that even talking about sex is offensive points to issues that really should have been worked out a decade ago.

I am not a big 'fan' of marrige counslers or counslers in general but I've never been one to beat around the bush. Some people may well open up better to a 3rd person than the one closest too them so perhaps that will help but it might also be a brick wall. The idea that talking about sex offends your wife of 14 years means you are going to HAVE to offend her. My method of handling it would be forcing her to talk about it and I wouldn't care how many tears or shouts it caused as this is something important to you. A marriage without sex is not a happy place to be as you well know. I have a female friend in your exact same position, almost a mirror image, but she has cheated on him and its not made her any happier. She is afraid of getting a divorce for a number of reasons and is resigned to being miserable for the rest of her life.

06-08-2006, 10:46 AM	#14 (permalink)
Chicup Not a potential *** Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 4,093 Location: Under the bed Status: Tired	Re: Giving up on wife I have been patient now for 13 yrs. First mistake, you should have been patient the first 3 weeks. You have waited far too long. My ex and I were into swinging and I have always wanted to get back into it. I knew that I could'nt push Deb my (my wife now ) into it and have never pushed or really even brought it up for fear of completely offending her. Big BAD secret. I can understand not bringing up your sex life when you are first dating and the like, but sooner or later you should at least let her know who did some of these things if they still interested you. If she was the kind of person who would be offended perhaps you should have taken it as a hint and found someone else. Harsh I know. She told me a long time ago that if I were going to fool around on her to please tell her first. Well I think that's what I going to do. I don't want a divorce because I love her and we have worked hard to build a life together. We are happy in just about every other way. This tells me that she knows shes not what you want sexually. She also appears to not care about that aspect of your relationship. It sounds more like a good friendship than anything else. The fact that even talking about sex is offensive points to issues that really should have been worked out a decade ago. I am not a big 'fan' of marrige counslers or counslers in general but I've never been one to beat around the bush. Some people may well open up better to a 3rd person than the one closest too them so perhaps that will help but it might also be a brick wall. The idea that talking about sex offends your wife of 14 years means you are going to HAVE to offend her. My method of handling it would be forcing her to talk about it and I wouldn't care how many tears or shouts it caused as this is something important to you. A marriage without sex is not a happy place to be as you well know. I have a female friend in your exact same position, almost a mirror image, but she has cheated on him and its not made her any happier. She is afraid of getting a divorce for a number of reasons and is resigned to being miserable for the rest of her life.