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Tybee Swing · 06-07-2006, 04:30 PM

how do you handle them? I'm just curious. Do you find that cheaters who approach swingers just totally don't get it, have no clue what swinging is about? Do you try to educate them somewhat? Of course, I'm assuming with these questions that you don't play with cheaters, which may not be the case for everybody here.

A younger woman spotted our Yahoo profile and wrote us that her husband travels a lot and she's looking for a couple with a bi female to explore her fantasies with. She expressed her interest in us and asked if we'd be interested. I responded nicely and explained gently what swinging is to us, it's about the honesty and openness. Here's what I said about that: "The swing Lifestyle is great because couples are open with each other and share their fantasies. They can live them out together, which makes it all 10x sexier. In swinging, there aren't any secrets or sneaking around - it's all out on the table. When you're experiencing wonderful sexual adventures together as a couple, it's like a great adventure, and the openness brings you even closer as a couple." I also asked gently if her husband knew of her fantasies and her pursuits: "Does your husband know about your being bi-curious? If not, I'll bet it would turn him on to know. Are you planning on not telling him about your adventures?"

I thought that was relatively easy to interpret without my saying bluntly, "we don't play with cheaters".

It went right over her head. She explained: "No, my hubby does not know. I am scared to tell him because of how he may react. Besides, over the last few years, we have kind of grown apart..." etc - the usual explanations.
Then she tried again: "I fantasize about it a lot. I think it would be so erotic to be with the woman while her boyfriend or hubby watches. What do you think??"

I have a feeling that she, and most married people looking for hook-ups with swingers on the side, are totally clueless as to what swingers are all about. I think that what I wrote her about swinging went in one ear, and out the other.

So, I wrote her back explaining further: "About your fantasy, yes, it's very erotic and we love that. However, we're not comfortable playing with married people who are going behind their spouse's back. You'll find this feeling pretty commonly in the Lifestyle, because swinging is all based on honesty and openness. Swinging isn't about filling a void, it's about enhancing a relationship and sex life that's already solid and satisfying. In other words, playing with others is icing on the cake. I don't want to sound harsh at all, but you'll be cheating when you do this, and that's just not for us. We can't feel good about being part of that."

I won't deny it was tempting, having an attractive woman offering the ever-elusive FMF, FFM, but we just can't go there.

Have you stuck with your ethics on this, no matter what? Has anybody here hooked up with a cheater, even if it was against your better judgement? Or, do you hook up with cheaters and have no qualms or problems with it? Maybe some actually prefer playing with cheaters?

06-07-2006, 04:30 PM	#1 (permalink)
Tybee Swing Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,845 Location: Georgia Status: single female	When married cheaters hit on you... how do you handle them? I'm just curious. Do you find that cheaters who approach swingers just totally don't get it, have no clue what swinging is about? Do you try to educate them somewhat? Of course, I'm assuming with these questions that you don't play with cheaters, which may not be the case for everybody here. A younger woman spotted our Yahoo profile and wrote us that her husband travels a lot and she's looking for a couple with a bi female to explore her fantasies with. She expressed her interest in us and asked if we'd be interested. I responded nicely and explained gently what swinging is to us, it's about the honesty and openness. Here's what I said about that: "The swing Lifestyle is great because couples are open with each other and share their fantasies. They can live them out together, which makes it all 10x sexier. In swinging, there aren't any secrets or sneaking around - it's all out on the table. When you're experiencing wonderful sexual adventures together as a couple, it's like a great adventure, and the openness brings you even closer as a couple." I also asked gently if her husband knew of her fantasies and her pursuits: "Does your husband know about your being bi-curious? If not, I'll bet it would turn him on to know. Are you planning on not telling him about your adventures?" I thought that was relatively easy to interpret without my saying bluntly, "we don't play with cheaters". It went right over her head. She explained: "No, my hubby does not know. I am scared to tell him because of how he may react. Besides, over the last few years, we have kind of grown apart..." etc - the usual explanations. Then she tried again: "I fantasize about it a lot. I think it would be so erotic to be with the woman while her boyfriend or hubby watches. What do you think??" I have a feeling that she, and most married people looking for hook-ups with swingers on the side, are totally clueless as to what swingers are all about. I think that what I wrote her about swinging went in one ear, and out the other. So, I wrote her back explaining further: "About your fantasy, yes, it's very erotic and we love that. However, we're not comfortable playing with married people who are going behind their spouse's back. You'll find this feeling pretty commonly in the Lifestyle, because swinging is all based on honesty and openness. Swinging isn't about filling a void, it's about enhancing a relationship and sex life that's already solid and satisfying. In other words, playing with others is icing on the cake. I don't want to sound harsh at all, but you'll be cheating when you do this, and that's just not for us. We can't feel good about being part of that." I won't deny it was tempting, having an attractive woman offering the ever-elusive FMF, FFM, but we just can't go there. Have you stuck with your ethics on this, no matter what? Has anybody here hooked up with a cheater, even if it was against your better judgement? Or, do you hook up with cheaters and have no qualms or problems with it? Maybe some actually prefer playing with cheaters?