[WesternSwing]

Julie69, here is my take on it.

I have run into this same situation with several single men that would like to get with my wife. They want a naughty girl to bang, but the idea of her husband knowing about it freaks them out. They don't even want a threesome, they just want to bang Mrs. WS. If they don't want a threesome, then they sure as hell don't get a solo act. I don't know what is running through their head, but it doesn't fly with us.

First, you are married to your husband, therefore he is your first priority. If Mr. Vanilla-friend can't handle that then he better hit the road. Yes, the situation you describe and what I describe above feels exactly like an affair to the husband or wife not involved in the sex. Although Mr. Vanilla-friend's feelings are involved, his are not what is the most important and should not be put above your husbands. You are putting Mr. Vanilla-friend's feelings above your husband's.

Second, you do owe it to your husband to tell him everything. As much as seeing this guy is a fantasy for you, you coming home to your husband and relating everything turns him on even more and is a fantasy to him. Swinging is done for both you and your husband's benefit, not just yours, which right now the way it is, it is all for your benefit. What's your hubby getting out of it? If it isn't what he wants to get out of it, then it needs to change. If it doesn't work for either of you, then it doesn't work for both of you.

Third, this relationship with Mr. Vanilla-friend should be on you and your husband's terms, not his. The moment he dictates to you what the terms of the relationship are, it's time to kick him to the curb. This is a blatant lack of respect for your marriage in general and your husband in particular. You shouldn't feel like there is pressure from both sides. If there is any pressure at all from Mr. Vanilla-friend then he needs to go. Period. There is no argument on this point.

I know you are probably infatuated all to hell with Mr. Vanilla-friend. We've been in your same situation. I've been in your hubby's shoes. Mrs. WS has had some pretty good crushes on some of her playmates and I know how it feels to feel like your playing second chair in your own band. We talked about it and she didn't even realize she was doing it. Now she recognizes the signs and makes sure it doesn't happen. I think it's cute when she has a crush on a playmate and I don't mind as long as I'm always number one.

You need to make sure your hubby is number one. In this situation your not treating him as such. This is more like an affair he knows about then swinging.

Now go give your husband a big smooch!

Mr. WS