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Originally Posted by 2jersey We read a lot of online profiles, and it seems that many include some sort of reference to ‘friendship’. Typical examples include: “we are looking for new friends” - “seeking friends with benefits” - and the ever popular “friendship first, and let’s see what develops”.
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To illustrate a point: We’re happy when we meet a couple, like them, and have sex with them. If we have multiple encounters with a particular couple, we might develop a mutual fondness and respect. But, to be blunt, if/when the sexual activity has permanently concluded, the relationship is over (thus disproving the notion that we were ever true friends).
In our profile we state: “ 'Friendship first' is a very nice sentiment, but it doesn't reflect our approach to swinging. We seek compatibility and comfort first, sexual activity next - and friendship may develop over time.” |
Jerseys, you ask a very good question! The truth is, there are many degrees of
how friendly this friendship stuff is. One end of the spectrum is "we already
have friends, don't need more - we just want to fuck", and the other end, polyamory - very intermingled emotional relationships.
In our case - we are not a friends
first couple, but we do tend to most enjoy eventually cultivating a friendship with other couples that we happen to have sex with. Why we do - there is so much more than fucking when spending time with people. Sometimes, we all have to open up our mouths and talk to each other, and when people connect in a way that they have things in common, can laugh about the same things, and enjoy some of the same kinds of activities together, it can make the whole experience just a whole lot more FUN. Example: we have a few Lifestyle connections now that happen to ride motorcycles, as do we. We could make a sexy event out of going riding together, the women switching riding on the back of the guy's bikes and flirting before we get to a room later, etc. etc. This is just one example of how adding a little more common ground, a shared social activity and more interaction can make the whole swinging thing more fun for people.
For us, having friendships + sex (friends with benefits) is all about having more
fun and a better experience. It's definitely not about emotional entanglements for us, any more than we'd have with
anybody we socialize with.
If fucking is the
only thing we had in common with a couple, there'd be nothing to say or do outside of getting in the room, humping, and leaving. Kind of hit-and-run. For some people (like us), this is just "blech". Not very sexy, not real fun. Know what I mean?
We're in the Lifestyle for fun. To us, sex + friendship = fun. We'll start with the initial connection (like them;comfortable with them), then the sex, and if it's fun, look toward the friendship, too.
This is the same pattern that you said you enjoy, also.
I think that "
looking for new friends" or "
friends with benefits" defines a couple who is like us. It could define a few other types in the broad range somewhat similiar to us, somewhere in the middle between "don't know you, don't care, let's fuck" extreme, and the polyamorist extreme. (
Note: we don't have anything against any of these types.)
I think that "
friendship first, and then let's see what develops" defines something quite different - a very slow-going couple that will want to have numerous dates before anything sexual happens. They may be newbies. Or, they may be polyamorist types. Or, they may be looking for just that "one special couple" (we've met some like this - they would rather go exclusive with no more than 1-2 couples). The relationship with you is of primary importance to these people. We're not them. We're the latter, in the last paragraph.