Quote:
|
Originally Posted by 2jersey We read a lot of online profiles, and it seems that many include some sort of reference to ‘friendship’. Typical examples include: “we are looking for new friends” - “seeking friends with benefits” - and the ever popular “friendship first, and let’s see what develops”.
We must admit, we’re into swinging for the sexual adventure, and developing true friendships is low on our agenda. On the other hand, we screen couples for compatibility by considering whether they have the personal qualities which are consistent with the attributes of our vanilla friends.
To illustrate a point: We’re happy when we meet a couple, like them, and have sex with them. If we have multiple encounters with a particular couple, we might develop a mutual fondness and respect. But, to be blunt, if/when the sexual activity has permanently concluded, the relationship is over (thus disproving the notion that we were ever true friends).
In our profile we state: “ 'Friendship first' is a very nice sentiment, but it doesn't reflect our approach to swinging. We seek compatibility and comfort first, sexual activity next - and friendship may develop over time.”
Perhaps most people who say they are seeking friendship have views which are similar to ours, but they are less literal in their use of the word ‘friend’? Maybe we are scaring away some high quality people by including the aforementioned friendship reference in our profile? Perhaps we are being hypocritical by including friendship qualities in our screening criteria, while denouncing the idea that we might develop immediate and lasting friendships? Maybe it’s just a slow day and we have nothing particularly important on our minds?  |
We think a lot like you do. And it's because, for us anyway, it's easier to keep out all the emotional stuff. Some folks LOVE getting wrapped up in others emotionally; that ain't me. And I have Mr. Fun for all the emotional things I need -- he's awsome, and I don't want to share that.
We met a great couple recently -- I emailed with the wife a lot and we got the ball rolling -- we met for dinner/ drinks/ room, and all was good until I realized we all weren't on the same page as to what we wanted to get out of our individual (or couple) swing relationship(s). She needed the emotional closeness; she wanted to gaze into his eyes, become mesmorized, cuddle with him aftwards -- which caused the green-eyed monster in me to come out. It was a gray area I didn't expect to be in...
I didn't want to look into her husband's eyes, or cuddle, or anything like that. I wanted to get it ON. For us, it's about sex.
Mr. Fun and she chatted a few times, and the last chat made it real obvious to me that they were just looking for something different than we were in their friends. They had been together a lot longer than we have; their relationship is in a different place than ours. Maybe in 10 years we'll be looking for what they are, but not now. For NOW, I'm not sharing anything emotionally -- that to me is sacred grounds.
We have friends who we get together and get it on ... and for me, and Mr. Fun, and the other couple, that is FUN. Nothing emotionally going on. Just the physical stuff.
We want to get to know another couple before we play for SAFETY reasons; not to necessarily establish a life-long friendship. We want to know we're all on the same page as far as taking care of our health, that we "like" each other, and we find each other attractive.
I think it's all in preferences. I still think this couple we met are super people. They're just not compatible playmates "emotionally."