Hi to everyone here. I am glad that I stumbled upon your board!
I have a question for you all and would appreciate your advice since I am new to swinging.
I am starting to swing for the first time with a single vanilla man that is an acquaintance(not friend) of my husband, just for fun of course
I have come up against a problem. In one of our little discussions I brought up a subject that I found out my partner is not comfortable with. He is not comfortable with me telling my husband the details of what we do in bed. He feels comfortable with some level of privacy. So far I have been respecting his wishes and keeping the intimate details between me and him, and just telling my husband "the basics" of what is going on. By "basics" I mean stuff like when we have done it and others things such as where we have done it, and for how long, that we kiss and he likes to french kiss, that we have done oral on each other and mentioned various positions that we did ect, but I have not gone into the details.
My husband wants to know the details because it is a turn on to him but he says that there is "much more to it than that."
He feels that my relationship with this man is too much like an affair because I feel that I have to keep some intimate things just between my vanilla friend and me. I am doing this because there is my partners feelings to consider here.
My husband said that he never brought this subject up in the past when we were discussing that I swing with this man because he thought it was "a given" , that I would just automatically tell him the details.
My husband feels like it is his "right" to know the details of what we do simply because he is my husband that loves me. He can't understand why I would even want to keep certain things from him. He feels like I am putting the wants of my partner above his wants. My husband says to just tell me the details, and what my partner doesn't know won't hurt him, and in that way nobodies feelings are hurt.
I understand what he is getting at but I don't think he should have to know the details because someone elses feelings are involved and I feel that I have to respect him and those feelings.
My husband is not comfortable at all with me just telling "the basics" and really wants to know the details, but not to the point where he wants me to stop being with this man.
He said he will not push the issue but will wait for me to willingly tell him the details and he really hopes that I will.
So I have "pressure" form both sides here, from my husband and my partner.
Can I have your opinions on where I should go from here?
Should I should just tell my husband what he wants to know and just not bring this subject up again with my partner, or should I just stick with telling "the basics" in respect for my partners feelings?
My partner has talked with my husband before but doesn't want to talk to him about this issue because he is not sure if he can change his mind. He just doesn't feel comfortable with my husband knowing the details of what we do in bed.