We read a lot of online profiles, and it seems that many include some sort of reference to ‘friendship’. Typical examples include: “we are looking for new friends” - “seeking friends with benefits” - and the ever popular “friendship first, and let’s see what develops”.
We must admit, we’re into swinging for the sexual adventure, and developing true friendships is low on our agenda. On the other hand, we screen couples for compatibility by considering whether they have the personal qualities which are consistent with the attributes of our vanilla friends.
To illustrate a point: We’re happy when we meet a couple, like them, and have sex with them. If we have multiple encounters with a particular couple, we might develop a mutual fondness and respect. But, to be blunt, if/when the sexual activity has permanently concluded, the relationship is over (thus disproving the notion that we were ever true friends).
In our profile we state: “ 'Friendship first' is a very nice sentiment, but it doesn't reflect our approach to swinging. We seek compatibility and comfort first, sexual activity next - and friendship may develop over time.”
Perhaps most people who say they are seeking friendship have views which are similar to ours, but they are less literal in their use of the word ‘friend’? Maybe we are scaring away some high quality people by including the aforementioned friendship reference in our profile? Perhaps we are being hypocritical by including friendship qualities in our screening criteria, while denouncing the idea that we might develop immediate and lasting friendships? Maybe it’s just a slow day and we have nothing particularly important on our minds?
