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Originally Posted by JnCC Do you love HIM, or do you love the notion of BEING in love?
Just something to think about... |
i have never had as many valid reasons for loving ANY man like I love him, and im 39, he would agree (on a good day that is)
not sure anyone is into astrology, but were im a Leo, he's an aries, quite a explosive match, 2 fires signs....
there could be more potential reasons for all this lately.... it verrrry well could be more me.... fuck i dono! but its killin me! i have 2 parts of my life, VERRRRY few peopl can i share both with, he is one of them, but when it involves him, i have no solid, unbiast feedback, i can be very emotional sometimes, NO poker face, and cant hide my feelings for shit! he gets them confused, shit even i do!
-i cant tell my family about swinging, they'd have me locked up in a psych ward!
-my 2 closest friends know both big things in my life, him:swinging and the death of my son 3 weeks shy of 3 yrs ago
both, well all 3 of these things consume most of my every day life, my son's death more recently because of the upcoming date
a part of me feels like putting on the breaks (which he will flip out over) bc mentaly, emotionaly, and physically, i just dont think i can deal with all of it at the same time right now... im confused and completely overwhelmed, and feel totaly vulnerable. I'd do ANYTHING for this man! HOWEVER not beyond putting myself FIRST! now a days tho, this line is sooooo blurry
and he doesnt get it, i cant blame him, im used to ppl not understanding me.
maybe writing here will help, maybe it wont, there seems to be some WONDERFUL ppl here, AND some real jerks too, if they kick me when im down, i probably wont be back for a while