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Originally Posted by JTcamp05 I'm not trying to bash those who have "rules" I just think that if you as a couple "need" rules to prevent one or the other from doing something that makes the other uncomfortable...that IS different from having rules. My statement was about needing them verses having them.
Now really if you haven't communicated your thoughts feelings and desires with your spouse enough prior to swinging.......you are not going into it fully aware of what may or may not happen. Likewise if you have that kind of communication where is the NEED, do you not trust your spouse to respect your feelings? |
Thanks for clarifying that, because I to was taken aback by your first comment.
I think you have to really be open-minded about some rules. There are rules that are "needed", the reasons for such might not be apparent to the outsider. For instance, Mrs. WS really enjoys anal. I was the first man she'd ever done it with outside a forced situation. It wasn't until the last eight months she'd have it with a swing partner. Some might see this as insecurity on my part because she didn't want it with anyone but me. Exactly opposite. It was her gig. She was raped as a teenager and had real issues about anything up there for quite some time. She trusted me after many years together but strangers??? Nope. She has since overcome that, but to some that may have seemed like it was my issue.
There are some who's rules may seem excessive, and yes, they may be because of some insecurities, but with the exception of very few of us, I think we all entered the lifestyle not knowing exactly what to expect and thus waded in as opposed to diving in. I look back at our list of rules when we started and chuckle to myself. At the time they seemed "needed" though. We just try to remember that when we hear of rules from newbie couples.
We also will pass on some couples with too many rules, though. Although we have nothing against newbies, we definitely don't want to be the source of any aggrivation in their relationship. And if there are too many rules the chance of crossing the line on one of them is too great.
Mr. WS