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Originally Posted by good times It has been our experience though, that if a couple has excessive amounts of rules and boundries they usually have issues like jealousy or insecurity in their relationship. |
I think I should clarify that in my previous statement above, I was referring to people who have been swinging for a while. I was not referring to people just getting started.
I think that when people first start they have a lot of insecurity about how they will react to the new experience, I know we sure did. I think this is a prefectly natural fear of the unknown. After they get some experience then it seems to us that usually one of two things happens. The most common is that they redefine and simplify their rules and boundaries, as they get more comfortable with swinging. The other, fortanately pretty rare, is they find out that they don't handle certain situations well, and instead of taking a step back and considering that maybe swinging isn't their thing after all, they make more rules to try to avoid those situations that triggered their negative emotions. In the case of the later, sometimes that works out fine, but if their rules become excessive, it just doesn't tend to be conducive to a good time, in my opinion.
As I said before, most people have rules and boundaries that they have established over time. I don't think we really have any rules that we consider "red flags" as much as, like Spoomonkey said, rules that aren't compatible with our idea of a good time. Does that mean that if they have rules that don't mesh with ours that they are wrong, or that we would somehow look down on them for it? No, it just means we aren't compatible for play; those same rules are, no doubt, perfectly fine with someone else. I also don't think that just because a couple has rules that are different from ours that they are automatically having a hang-up of some sort or jealousy issues.
As far as new people go, we do understand as we were new once too. With new people, as long as they don't have rules that are a no go for us (no kissing for example), and both sides of the couple are on the same page (an example of not being on the same page would be where one half of the couple is really into it and the other one is going along just to make them happy), then we wouldn't have a problem playing with them. The only difference for us when playing with a newbie is that we tend to be a little more cautious and observant than we would with a more experienced couple. The reason for that is that it isn't uncommon for someone to get cold feet in the middle of the action the first time. Having seen this happen a couple of times, it is a simple matter for us to keep our senses tuned for it, and should it happen, to stop and let them regroup and work out their feelings. Then, if they so choose, we can play another day. By taking this approach, we have yet to have a newbie that didn't want to hook up for a second play session.