The Swingers Board - View Single Post - ED situation

sereneiders · 05-22-2006, 01:01 AM

Well, I've been in this other guy place myself. I still often do, until feeling confortable enough.

There are many reasons involved, one is the use of condoms (that I dont use with my wife), the anxiety, distractive factors... but at last, this isn't something that should concern my partner.

I start by warning this may happen to me, to ensure this is "acceptable", to know if the lady is up to keep having fun in some other way, because by knowing it'd be ok it helps me with my anxiety, and because I want her to know there is nothing wrong with HER (at last, to avoid her own anxiety to add up with mine should this happens).

Once in the middle of the action, if I lose my erection (this often happens when I -or she- start dealing with the condom), I don't allow it to change my attitude towards what's going on. I keep using what I was using before, my fingers and tonge, and try to please her (I enjoy very much pleasing my partner, for me the orgsm is a plus but not something I pursue to have). It happens to me that once I realize she's having fun anyway and enjoying the moment, my friend start responding again (and even if i lost my erection while putting on the condom, I leave the condom right there as to avoid having to deal with the same again, once my friend start reacting).

It is important to me to reasure my partner it's my private issue, that she have nothing to do about it. It's pointless to be anxious the two of us, and if she feel pressed because of this, I know for sure I wont be able to regain an erection because I'll feel even more anxious, for her as well as for myself.

This was an advice I got from a couple friend of us since the very begining. The guy told me it took more than a year for him to get rid of the anxiety, and his wife told me the worst thing regarding these issues is to turn them into a drama. Then I try to prevent the drama by means of warning beforehand, and avoid it in the middle of the game.

The interesting thing about this is that most of the couples we played with, even when I lost my erection and was unable to penetrate the lady, where up to play with us again, so I guess I manage to make it worth besides of my friend performance.

05-22-2006, 01:01 AM	#2 (permalink)
sereneiders Some sort of user Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1,131 Location: Argentina Status: Couple	Re: ED situation - what's a gal to do? Well, I've been in this other guy place myself. I still often do, until feeling confortable enough. There are many reasons involved, one is the use of condoms (that I dont use with my wife), the anxiety, distractive factors... but at last, this isn't something that should concern my partner. I start by warning this may happen to me, to ensure this is "acceptable", to know if the lady is up to keep having fun in some other way, because by knowing it'd be ok it helps me with my anxiety, and because I want her to know there is nothing wrong with HER (at last, to avoid her own anxiety to add up with mine should this happens). Once in the middle of the action, if I lose my erection (this often happens when I -or she- start dealing with the condom), I don't allow it to change my attitude towards what's going on. I keep using what I was using before, my fingers and tonge, and try to please her (I enjoy very much pleasing my partner, for me the orgsm is a plus but not something I pursue to have). It happens to me that once I realize she's having fun anyway and enjoying the moment, my friend start responding again (and even if i lost my erection while putting on the condom, I leave the condom right there as to avoid having to deal with the same again, once my friend start reacting). It is important to me to reasure my partner it's my private issue, that she have nothing to do about it. It's pointless to be anxious the two of us, and if she feel pressed because of this, I know for sure I wont be able to regain an erection because I'll feel even more anxious, for her as well as for myself. This was an advice I got from a couple friend of us since the very begining. The guy told me it took more than a year for him to get rid of the anxiety, and his wife told me the worst thing regarding these issues is to turn them into a drama. Then I try to prevent the drama by means of warning beforehand, and avoid it in the middle of the game. The interesting thing about this is that most of the couples we played with, even when I lost my erection and was unable to penetrate the lady, where up to play with us again, so I guess I manage to make it worth besides of my friend performance.