It sounds as though everything you are going through is normal. In the beginning for us we seemed to be on opposite ends of the totem pole as to who and what to look for.
For instance, I wanted separate rooms (which we did not do) since I was worried about seeing my husband with another woman. He wanted to meet people no less than 100 miles out of our local area out of fear of being found out. I thought we should stick closer to home. I didn't want to bring anyone into our home or meet at theirs, he did. He didn't want to go to a club, I did. There were a lot of differences in issues.
What we did was compromise. We started seeking other couples to meet outside of 100 miles, got a motel room and would only meet there. Over the course of 14 months as we have become more assured of what we are doing and what to expect, this is now what we do.
We met a local couple that we get along with very well. We will play in separate rooms on occasion with this couple that we trust and feel that we know very well. We meet at their home or ours. We cook out, go to dinner and even attended social events with them in our local area. We have attended several clubs and have both pretty much come to the conclusion that it isn't for us.
As you are new to both marriage together and swinging, talking and compromising is where you need to focus. If one person isn't comfortable with something, then don't do it at all. Find a level of comfort for you both and go from there.
Most importantly and you will hear this over and over again. Talk, talk and then talk some more. I believe that is just as important, if not more so, as "No means No".
Good luck and let us know how things are going.
Lori and Gene
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