Okay, I've read through the entire thread (WOW! I can't believe how many responses to this in only a day), and nexteltx you have received some pretty good advice. I don't know if you are a troll or not, and I don't care. Please don't take offense at the insinuation; we get a few trolls every now and then here, trying to stir shit up and prove some unfathomable point. :rollseyes Anyway, I'm just going to answer your post seriously, because sooner or later, troll or no
some other guy out there is going to come to this board and be dealing with this exact same dilemma.
Your wife is manipulating you. The world is just a-revolvin' around her right now, and the only reason she would care about others' feelings on the matter is because NOT caring about other people is a bad thing...and she doesn't want to be a bad person. Because HER quality of life is what is most important to her. Being nice to other people (ie: you) means she gets to be able to say that she is a kind and generous person. Ultimately, this desire to be a good person, a good planetary citizen, is rooted in her vanity, in her ego.
I recognize it, because I used to be this way. Oh yeah, I was a selfish bitch.
Mr. intuition finally gave me a reality check when he handed me back my ring and said it didn't mean anything to him anymore. To this day we don't wear wedding bands, because to us, they're symbolic of the old view we had of marriage, where we felt we owned a piece of one another somehow. I don't own any part of that amazing man. I refuse to bind him to me. I, instead, am attaching myself to HIS life, not trying to attach him to MINE. My life is forfeit. I don't give a damn anymore if I ever get all those things I dreamed about. I could live in a shack without running water, and die a happy woman...as long as I know that this is the life that is best for HIM. Whither thou goest, my love, I will go.
nexteltx, this is the kind of love you need. It's the kind of relationship you both deserve. Scrap the marriage. Throw out the old way, because it sure as shit isn't working for you. Have an epiphany, grab your moment, take BACK the life you are squandering on complacency and be the man you've always known you could be. Stop treating your wife like she's your wife, and start treating her like the adult she's supposed to be. If she's not adult enough to handle caring about someone else more than she cares about her own self, then she's not ready for an adult relationship as serious as marriage. Period.
Don't wait. I wasted 9 years of my life...of Mr. intuition's life...not treating him the way he should be treated, not feeling the love that was right there - right fucking there! - for the taking. And every moment of those 9 years is a moment I cannot get back. I regret that bitterly, because the way I feel now...this feeling is so big...there aren't enough moments left in one lifetime to do it justice. She's right there. Giving her your still-beating heart on a silver platter to do with what she will, while asking her to please, please not hurt you, is probably the stupidest thing you could do. But you know what? Nobody ever said love was easy. If you want it, if you really want it, this is exactly what she needs you to do. And make sure she understands the gravity of this thing you are giving her.
This probably didn't make sense to anyone...