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Originally Posted by ultimatecouple9 Hello everyone, my wife and have never swung or introduced another person to our sexual relationship (yet). We have talked about the risks and the advantages several times. The real big question we have is what happens the very next day after your first time? Do you feel auckward, and if we do, how do overcome the auckwardness? We are very interested in the swinging lifestyle, swapping and threesome!! You just never really know as a couple how the response will be in our marrige the following day when real life kicks back in and we have to make dinner, pay bills!!! |
Here's a good tip: If you go into the experience expecting to be hurt, you will be. If you go into it having agreed beforehand that both of you will be extremely conscious of each other's feelings, and anything that happens that night doesn't count, you'll be okay. You're just experimenting here, and you understand that the only way to find where your boundaries are sometimes is to accidentally cross them. It smarts a little when this happens, but it isn't unmanageable. Your success will depend on whether you are ruled by your emotions, or whether you can "own" your emotions and remain objective.
For example, let's say you see your wife holding another man's hand as they're flirting at a club, and you find this extremely hurtful. Maybe you don't understand why just yet, but you know it hurts. You could either "take your ball and go home", or you could politely interject their conversation and ask to speak privately to your wife. Then, without resorting to pouting or accusations or demands, you simply tell her that YOU are experiencing some very negative feelings about her holding the other man's hand. You're not sure why just yet, but you'd like her help in sorting this out. Your emotions are not her responsibility, just as her reactions to your actions are not her responsibility. You are only responsible for not actively hurting one another. Perceived injuries are an entirely different matter. Your wife didn't mean to hurt you by holding the guy's hand! She didn't realize that it would. If she had, and she was keeping her end of the bargain (to not hurt one another), she wouldn't have done it.
Hope this helps some.
