Thor,
You reminds me of myself, years ago. I've been there, right there... and now I am HERE!
It took for us 15 years to finally start swinging, but we did.
I hope it doesn't take so long for you, but it's likely that you both will need enough time to settle down your relationship, get to trust in each other, get to know the way each other feels, what are your fears and how to overcome them, turn the theoretic concept: "
it's not about the other person, they are like a really good sex toy that we get to play with into something both of you feel from inside your guts.
We say, TALK and TALK and TALK. You're already talking, it seems to me you have a high level of communication, that perhaps it still get undermined by some fears and perjudgment about each other expectations. This isn't something that can be overcomed my means of magic, with a finger snap, it's a proccess required not only to improve communication, also to get the confidence you need, to feel your guts agree with the theories.
But you two are in the right paht, If I have to bet, I bet you will manage to do it, but I wouldn't take a bet about WHEN, how long it will take.
Just don't hurry, take it slowly, play with the idea, enjoy the communication enhancement proccess for what it worths, without caring too much about the goals. Luckinly enough, one day you two will find yourselves meeting the goal without even looking at it as a big issue.