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Originally Posted by shigrl269 Hi Thor,
I'm a newbie here too, first post. I read your situation and find myself in a similar one, sort of. My hubby very much wants to swing; I have had girl/girl in the past (not while we were together). I am turned on by other women and hubby thinks this is great. He used to want to watch me and another woman and that was that, although that hasn't happened.
He now talks about me with other men and swinging. First as dirty talk, now he is really wanting it.
Problem: I feel like he wants this experience with other couples, women and himself in particular b/c he is lacking something in our sex life. Also I fear he will become attracted to the other person and the thought of him doing with someone else what he does with me, hurts.
I am obviously NOT ready for swinging, open for exciting him with some girl/girl, but have no desire to see him do anything with another woman. I know it is selfish and I'm not pressed to run out and do it, but he talks about swinging A LOT.
Don't know if this helps you in anyway, but it may.
Also if you don't mind my asking, you or anyone else for that matter, having never done it, does it affect the relationship? Cause jealousy? I'm sure it is individual for everyone, but some feedback on how you can share and not want to wander would be great, apart from the relationship being great to start.
I think I would enjoy the experience if I could overcome the scariness of the newness of it, and my own insecurity. Is this at all common?
I think I am paranoid!!! Sorry for the long post, have been holding this inside, haven't talked to anyone, feels good to throw it out there. Thanks all |
You've asked quite a few questions here, and rather big ones. There are a number of good threads in the Swinger Advice and FAQ sections in the toolbar above, but I'll give you a short answer here too.
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Also if you don't mind my asking, you or anyone else for that matter, having never done it, does it affect the relationship?
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We have become closer then ever before. Hell, we even work together now!
Yes it can sometimes. But we've found that as we've explored the lifestyle more and more, the jealousy seems to be less and less. There can always be something that triggers jealousy, but being able to talk it through is what is important, and not obsessing about it. Jealousy is insecurity.
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I'm sure it is individual for everyone, but some feedback on how you can share and not want to wander would be great, apart from the relationship being great to start.
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Why would anyone want to wander? Are you afraid you're going to want to wander, or your husband? If you aren't afraid you are, but that he is, why is this? Why do you feel you are capable of just having sex but he isn't? I had to ask myself these same questions when we first got into the lifestyle. Why was I jealous? It was because I was feeling insecure. Nothing Mrs. WS was doing was making me think our relationship was in trouble, but I was worried about her finding someone better then me. Finally I came to the realization that for her, ther is nobody better then me.
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Is this at all common? I think I am paranoid!!!
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Yes, it is very common. No worries. Check out the following links for some good reaing:
Swinger FAQ's Jealousy in Swinging
and
Setting Rules to Swing By
There are links in each topic to the most popular threads on each of these subjects.
Mr. WS