[WesternSwing]

Welcome to the Board, Thor.

In the big picture of things your girlfriend has a very good point, if you get some strange she should have the option of doing so also. Whether or not she actually exercises that option is another thing, but it should always be there.

Now, that said, there is no one "right" way to swing, everybody makes of it what is right for them. Some swing with just other women and some do full swap. Either way is "right". But I will say that I've never seen a couple yet that has a "single female only" rule in which eventually the wife doesn't start getting a bit resentful, even if she thinks it's okay in the beginning.

It sounds to me like this is more for your benefit then it is for both you, no matter how you try to say differently. From what you've said she's already been through this once before for another boyfriend and look how well that relationship turned out. Forcing her to pursue this is just manipulation and in the short term you may get what you want, but in the long run you'll do irrepairable damage to your relationship. It already sounds like a veiled threat of "we do this or I'm never going to be happy" and that is manipulation. Coercion and manipulation are two words that should never come into swinging. Period.

If you feel you are "missing" something because you haven't had a threesome and she won't go there with you, then you are truly not ready to commit to this or any other woman. You still have some maturing to do before you'll be ready to be married. Mrs. WS and I don't swing because we feel we have missed or are missing something. We swing because we are adding to what is already a great sex life. We are exploring new adventures together and in complete agreement with each other.

It also sounds like this relationship is already built on some distrust and therefore any additional urging to bring someone else into the relationship is just going to further that. You've both used sex as a weapon against each other in the past, I'm sure she's very weary of this happening again.

You have to decide if this fantasy is more important than your relationship with her or not. If you value you relationship with her that much, you should drop the whole swinging thing and concentrate on making your relationship with her work. Maybe someday she'll come to you and say "hey, about that other girl thing you mentioned some time ago..." And maybe she won't. If she is saying "no" right now you have to respect that and don't keep pushing. She is saying "no" for a reason. When, and if, she is ready she'll let you know.

Mr. WS