 Re: First she wanted... now I want it
I'd say stop talking about it as though it were some looming entity. Stop giving it a name. It's like starting a marathon run going uphill...all the while looking at the summit. Start out by just strolling along at a more liesurely pace. Pay attention to putting one foot in front of the other instead of worrying about acheiving some huge goal.
To put this in more practical terms, try some playful pillow talk. Rent some porn and add your own commentary. Dare her to flirt with the waiter. Dare her to wear a short skirt and no panties out someplace. Things like that. Don't categorize what you're doing; you're just having fun! After she's more relaxed about the whole thing, say, "Hey, you remember you said you want to go to a swinger's club sometime? I found one online and it looks like it would be fun. Whaddya think? Wanna go see what it's like there?" Make it clear that you'd only agree to go if you're both going to just watch. No playing with other people. Just with each other if you feel like it.
And while I agree that you should not pressure her, this is not the same as "shutting down" on her. You'll still need to remain wide open to her, and be extra perceptive when it comes to her attempts at communicating with you.
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