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Originally Posted by inquisitivemale I love my wife and still trust her it is just that she does not see my point of view. I spend a major portion of my time watching her back and she does not get it. I feel that she is only thinkingf of herself sometimes. |
I think you can trust somebody, that is, believe that their core-values mirror your own, and still be aware that in some circumstances, they may not
act in accordance with those values. In other words, even though you know your wife manages the family finances wisely, you also know that anytime she goes to a certain outlet mall or boutique, she's likely to spend $300 on a basket full of foo-foo shit that even
she doesn't know why she bought.
One of the best things a couple can do for each other in the lifestyle is to serve as each other's "check and balance." Reduced to it's essentials, that means honoring the "veto rule" at all times. When you're really "in step" with your partner, they don't need to
tell you to knock it off with someone, you just
know. Quote:
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I did not express my anger in the situation because I did not want to come off as a total ass and maintain some of my own respect.
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You'll never "come off a a total ass" by establishing some ground rules and insisting that others respect them in a party enviornment. Self-respect comes largely from adhering to your own standards. Personally, the cat-calls from the other guys would have been enough for me to throw in the towel if it were my wife that were the centerpiece of that dog-and-pony show. Perhaps your limits are more broadly-defined. Whatever they are, YOU have to enforce them. Don't rely on your wife, or the benevolence of the guys who are screwing your wife, to do it.
Do you think you were earning the respect of the single guys who "whispered, pointed, laughed, and made little coments" about you, and talked about "how their friend was wearing [your] wife out"...? By
not calling an immediate end to what was going on, did you earn the "respect" of the guy who's been chatting with your wife without your knowledge for the last 2 months?
I don't mean this as an insult, only as comment on what I think happened with you and your wife, and
between you and everybody else there. There's nothing inherently "wrong" with allowing your wife to have sex with a single gentleman at a swing party, provided that between the 2 of you,
you have the bigger balls. Sometimes, you have to SHOW some balls, or you'll NEVER earn the respect of the other guys there!
BTW...the guy in question committed a major swinging
faux pax by giving your wife, and not you, his phone number. That's the kind of shit that causes many couples to avoid parties where single males are in attendence. I would mention it, discretely, to the host, and to the husbands of any other couples in your social circle.
"Poachers" have no business in this lifestyle.