[intuition897]

I always wondered why I didn't feel comfortable with the "Three No's and You're Out" policy that swingers tend to profess. I'd say the "No" doesn't count unless she understands what she's saying no to. I mean, if neither person has a very good idea of what swinging is all about and it's just one half guilting the other half into swinging because he/she isn't getting enough at home (or some similar scenario), then one "no" should do it...at least until their understanding of it changes.

Now if he is asking her, explaining that it is his fantasy to see her sexually fulfilled and fully satisfied, and it is his way of celebrating the incredible sexual creature that she is...and she understands this...yet has NO interest in exploring swinging...then one conversation is enough. No means no.

But coming around to accepting the idea of swinging through all the years' worth of monogamous brainwashing that we've received, is not a simple thing. It's going to take some work. If we took our parter's unwitting "No" and simply dropped it, none of us would be in the lifestyle. While maintaining a respectful distance, we need to tactfully explain why we are asking this of our partner, and give them the time and gentle support they need to think it all through. If they consider it at length, and are certain they are NOT interested in it, then this should be their "final answer".