Hi John... boy did I recognize your emotions in your first post! You may want to read some of the things I've struggled with during our own little sojourn through this lifestyle. I don't hang around as much anymore b/c I'm not in the lifestyle, I just sort of pop in every now and again to see if 1) I can learn anything new, or 2) I can offer a little sympathy and advice to anyone else who is having difficulty. You've gotten a lot of good advice, but mostly from folks for whom swinging is the ideal. Thought you might appreciate a word or two from someone with your perspective
Your posts lead me to wonder if she has been to the boards and read up on this herself? It seems to me you're the only one looking at all the possible repercussions and that is scary in itself. And something that you said really screamed at me:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by JohnUK It seems she's determined to hit the self-destruct button! I did tell her that the grass is always greener on the other side and that there's loads of girls out there who've slept with loads of blokes but who'd love to have someone who worships the ground they walk on, as I do hers! |
You are absolutely right. I would give my left pinky toe to have a husband with your attitude about swinging. There is a deep scar on my heart for his attitude that I'm not sure when will heal. There ARE women out there who would appreciate the dedication and monogamy that you have to offer. Everything, EVERYTHING, is relative to where you are standing. My husband's best friend complains he only gets lollipop blowjobs and sex on a conception schedule. I looked at him and reminded him sometimes we just don't appreciate what we have. And you know what? Some people are just never happy no matter what they have. For some it's just never enough. You can break your friggin' back for bending so much and they're still not satisified. In my spouse's case, because it really wasn't about the sex, it was about stroking his ego.
IMHO, monogamy is a gift in and of itself, too... whether or not it's what you really wanted under the Christmas tree is the question. So don't sell yourself out. For anyone, not even her. I am not telling you this lightly, as we have been living together 13 years next month and have a 3 year old. When there is a lot at stake (and you have 3 children) and you're so used to compromising and making things work, it's real easy to compromise on this one. I wish I'd stuck to my original response of, "If you need sex with other people then you don't need to be married to me." The first reaction is usually the correct one.
If you can't come to an understanding, if she doesn't understand how much this obviously hurts you, if she just can't let it go... then let HER go b/c you are right, you don't really want the same things. Let HER explain to your kids why Mommy needs to go her own way. When she has to explain herself to the innocent people in her life, maybe she'll get some perspective. If you're in your right mind, the shine of random sex fades when pitted against the happiness and well-being of your family.
All my best wishes to you, and don't you dare drag yourself into the mud with revenge. You're obviously better than that. Keep your integrity.
Sincerely,
Tempest