[funseeking]

Did I make a mistake giving my wife this freedom and saying what I have said?
Would it be a mistake for her to do as I have suggested, should SHE want to?

Please read on and I will try to package this in short...


My wife and I have a great relationship with a very mature and deep love.

Over the past five years my wife has been "coming out of her shell" so to speak. She now sees herself as the beautiful woman that she is both on the inside and outside.

She asked me if it was okay for her to find a male friend... for friendship, and I encouraged her to do just that. She has found a fellow that she likes, as a friend, and who I actually like too. He is very attracted to her, as all men are, and has told her so. She thinks he is good looking but not as good looking as me. She has made it clear to him that she is only after friendship and he does respect this. He has not been "forward" with her as a result.

They do spend a lot of time together and really enjoy each other company.

This man is married but has a marriage of convenience for sure. He does not love his wife and he has told me.

My wife asked me if I want her to reduce the time that she spends with him and I said no because I am happy for that she is having a great time doing all sorts of "neat" and interesting things.

I told my wife that she is free to do anything that she wants with man and even to have a sexual relationship with her just as long as she does not allow herself to get "too" attached to this fellow. I said that I am not threatened by the thought of her with him sexually and I have no feeling of jealousy.
She really respects the fact that I have given her this freedom but she has no interest at this time in a sexual relationship.
She also assured me that she would never leave me for him or any other man.

She told him how I think and feel and he thinks I am crazy. He told me that he just cannot understand how I can think this way. I told him that it has to do with the fact that I think sex is only for pleasure UNLESS there is a deep seated love for the other person and that this love is NOT the same kind of love that one experiences in the initial falling in love experience, which my wife and I both think is simple infatuation.

I have given her this freedom to do as she wishes because I love her and I am secure with our mature and well tested love for each other.

I told her that I think a sexual relationship with this guy would be a great thrill and a great experience for her and that I actually think it can actually make us closer as a couple. In fact I think it can even result in a better sex life for us.

My only fear is that she will "do it" and then end up very disappointed because he may not be "very good". I want her experience, should she decide to go ahead with it, to be a lot of fun and a good thrilling experience. So the fact that this guy may actually be "better" than me in bed does not threaten me at all....I worry that he may "suck".

I will admit that I am turned on by the thought of my wife in bed with another women. I am turned on by the thought our her high level of enjoyment and excitment that is likely if she has sex with a new partner. But let me make this clear....this is NOT the primary reason I want her to try sex with this guy. The primary reason is for HER enjoyment, fun, adventure and experience.

I have told her that she is in control and not me or him and she likes that.

Although she is still only interested in being a friend I know that she is "thinking about it" because she told me that she is afraid that if they ever did get sexual that SHE would not live up to his standards. I told her that she is great in bed and that would not be an issue and that I am worried that he would not live up to her standards and that she might be disappointed in the whole adventure.


Now my questions
Have I made a mistake telling my wife this?
Also, would sex with another man, a man that she sees as a good friend but one that thinks that she is "hot" be too risky for our relationship?