[funseeking]

Thanx for the replies and you all have made some good points. Any other replies would be well appreciated.

Yes, I need to leave this alone and let her decide. I have told her how I feel and that is enough. You are right it should not be about what I think or about how I feel but about what she thinks and feels.

However, I still think it can do her a lot of good to be with another man. She will have a really good time and experience quite the thrill I think. I want her to be really thrilled because I want all the best for her.... yes it is a "tune on" for me to know that she is really enjoying sex and experiencing new "thrills" but this is not the primary reason why I want her to try sex with this fellow.
I think she will learn a lot about sex and enjoy sex even more after such an encounter and that it will spill over into a deeper love for me. I do think we will become even closer than we are now as a result, especially since she really respects and appreciates how I think on this matter. I love her fully and have given her complete freedom with no "reservation" on my part.

I think all this potential good(for her) will happen mainly because she has NEVER even kissed another man let alone had sex with another man.

If she does have sex with this fellow there is no doubt that the friendship will change. As was said it could end the friendship, or it could continue on with a new "twist", or it actually could result in one or both of them "falling in love" with the other.

Personally I think that I could emotionally "detached" and not fall in love because I really believe that sex is simply an act of pleasure UNLESS there is a deep rooted love for the other person. This love takes a long time to develop and can only happen AFTER the "in love" experience has gone away.....which usually happens in 1-2 years after a relationship starts. My wife also agrees with this definition of real love but I am not totally sure that she can "emotionally detached" from this guy should she have sex with him. So I am playing with fire to some extent.
There is already some emotional attachment(friendship) as she really likes to spend time with him. She likes the "fun" things they do together. However, she is not sexually attracted to him, even though she thinks he is fairly good looking and with a good body. This is probably because my wife is NOT "visual" like we men are. As most of you would agree most women are nowhere near as "visual" as men are. My wife is LESS visual than most women....she doesn't even notice good looking men.

Yet after all is said, I do trust her to be able to have fun with this guy, a guy I like and respect, without allowing herself to get TOO attached to him and getting into what we both consider the early immature infatuation of the "falling in love" experience, which isn't real love at all. She even told me that she would end the relationship should she start feeling that she is really starting to like this guy in a way that is beyond frienship.

A little about "him". He is married but has a very poor marriage. It is a marriage on convenience for sure. My wife has told him how I think and feel and he thinks I am crazy. So far he hasn't been "forward" because my wife has made it perfectly clear to him that all she wants is friendship.

My wife is in control not me and she is free to do what SHE wants to. I am not in control and do not want to be. I can let her do what she wants and I have no feeling of jealousy and I do not feel threatened. I am like this because I have a very mature and deep love for her and she feels the same towards me.

She is having a lot of fun in her "coming out of her shell" experience of the last five years and I have encouraged her to do anything she wants to do to make this experience more complete.

I guess it is time to "back off" on my part though.

BUT....isn't there anyone out there that thinks it will benefit her, and potentially even us as a couple, for her to have a sexual relationship with this man? Am I just crazy and foolish or am I on to something?

Again any replies are appreciated and especially from the ladies in the crowd.