*Bowing before TeamSoBe's eloquence...*
Ok, you asked for a swinging wife's perspective...here goes (and note that some of these reasons are personal to me):
First, my ex-husband was a dog who cheated on me all the time. I have been there, and don't want to be responsible for another woman's anguish.
Second, I look for honesty in a swing partner, especially someone that I meet on a personal level, rather than in a club. If a guy is cheating on his wife, that shows a basic lack of integrity, and leads me to question his ability to be discreet, or to be telling the truth about anything.
Third, guys who are cheating are most times unhappy with their marriage. I have seen too many cheating guys turn into stalkers when they get a taste of freakiness, which they are not getting from their wives.
Fourth, R and I have worked very hard at building a happy and stable relationship. It took quite a while for us to find each other and even longer for us to build a rock solid foundation that we are secure enough to play from. We want to play with people who are well adjusted, and who can communicate their needs and expectations. Cheating on one's spouse immediately lets the cheater out of that category.
Finally, and perhaps the most pragmatic of reasons, we don't want to be called as witnesses in a divorce proceeding. We have no desire to have our lifestyle be media fodder because one of our play partners was a cheating spouse who got caught.
And please note that all of the above reasons and our prohibition on cheating spouses extends to women as well. And it does not have to be cheating in a marriage - we had one girl approach us who was involved in a "living together" type relationship. She went no further with us, since she was clearly cheating on her chosen partner.
Does that make any sense?
K
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