The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Boyfriend brought up swinging, but now that I'm enjoying it he wants to stop

sereneiders · 04-06-2006, 03:22 AM

Well, you face a hard question.

HMO, it isn't a matter of who's right and who's being selfish: both of you can "be right" at once, both of you have the right to be selfish.

There are two problems here:

1) The change of your commited rules. It seems he want to make an unilateral change here, when it should be an agreenment. The risk is, if he does so... how would you know if something like this, another change in the commitment you have, won't happen in the future?

2) The "love" definition. He now loves you to the point of wanting "exclusivity", but didn't care to "share you" before... so, he wasn't such in love as today but anyway he leave you believe he was? Giving this uncertanity... how certain can you be today, or in the future, about his feelings?

I'd like to know if the "share me" you quoted came from his mouth. If so, I dislike the word, it'd be implying you're his property.

I'd be very carefull about this. Keep being selfish and try to find out what lead to this change. Jealousy is insecutiry: he may be insecure about himself and his performance, about your feelings, and so on, at last, uncertain about his own hability to avoid losing you or something you aldeady gave to him. This coulc come from anywhere, even a tinny change of attitude, something said that wasn't important for you.

If you were togheter three and a half years, and you were swinging without problems, there may be something that threaten him enough as to ask you to stop swinging. The insecurities belongs to himself, but any of you, or both, may have been triggered it, so it would be important to know what was that trigger and which are his fears.

04-06-2006, 03:22 AM	#2 (permalink)
sereneiders Some sort of user Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1,131 Location: Argentina Status: Couple	Re: Boy have I got problems Well, you face a hard question. HMO, it isn't a matter of who's right and who's being selfish: both of you can "be right" at once, both of you have the right to be selfish. There are two problems here: 1) The change of your commited rules. It seems he want to make an unilateral change here, when it should be an agreenment. The risk is, if he does so... how would you know if something like this, another change in the commitment you have, won't happen in the future? 2) The "love" definition. He now loves you to the point of wanting "exclusivity", but didn't care to "share you" before... so, he wasn't such in love as today but anyway he leave you believe he was? Giving this uncertanity... how certain can you be today, or in the future, about his feelings? I'd like to know if the "share me" you quoted came from his mouth. If so, I dislike the word, it'd be implying you're his property. I'd be very carefull about this. Keep being selfish and try to find out what lead to this change. Jealousy is insecutiry: he may be insecure about himself and his performance, about your feelings, and so on, at last, uncertain about his own hability to avoid losing you or something you aldeady gave to him. This coulc come from anywhere, even a tinny change of attitude, something said that wasn't important for you. If you were togheter three and a half years, and you were swinging without problems, there may be something that threaten him enough as to ask you to stop swinging. The insecurities belongs to himself, but any of you, or both, may have been triggered it, so it would be important to know what was that trigger and which are his fears.