The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Lied to him in the past, do I tell him the truth now?

WonderWhat · 04-04-2006, 07:29 PM

By all means, tell him, just the way Intuition says.

And go all the way and tell him about all the other "little lies" so you can get it over with, for once and for all. That way you put your guilt to rest and stop worrying about tripping yourself with the snowballing fabrications.

And, more importantly, that will quench any possible questions in his mind about any other possible lies.

One of the important reasons my first, 12-year marriage broke up is because I stopped trusting my ex. Her lies snowballed into whole glaciers, even when confronted with the facts. It made me think that her whole life, and our marriage, was a lie.

Yes, mine is an extreme example, and you might think that you won't go the same way, but if I were you, I'd be on the safe side.

On the other hand, my current marriage is based on truthfulness and trust. Any "little lies" have been 'fessed up and forgiven on both sides. It doesn't mean we're open books; anybody needs private head-space from their SO, and the SO needs to respect it. But no lying should be needed to keep that space private.

I learned a great lesson from my first marriage's failings, and I chose someone I could be completely truthful with, and who is truthful with me. Someone who can respect my privacy and knows how to keep her privacy without resorting to lies, aggression or paranoia.

In a nutshell, if you come clean, come clean all the way. If he loves you, and is a well-balanced person, he'll recognize your confession as what it is: the realization that lies will hurt your relationship, and that you love him more than your pride. It's not easy, but it's better than the alternative.

04-04-2006, 07:29 PM	#6 (permalink)
WonderWhat Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 140 Location: Greater Seattle area Status: Couple	Re: Help - do I tell him? By all means, tell him, just the way Intuition says. And go all the way and tell him about all the other "little lies" so you can get it over with, for once and for all. That way you put your guilt to rest and stop worrying about tripping yourself with the snowballing fabrications. And, more importantly, that will quench any possible questions in his mind about any other possible lies. One of the important reasons my first, 12-year marriage broke up is because I stopped trusting my ex. Her lies snowballed into whole glaciers, even when confronted with the facts. It made me think that her whole life, and our marriage, was a lie. Yes, mine is an extreme example, and you might think that you won't go the same way, but if I were you, I'd be on the safe side. On the other hand, my current marriage is based on truthfulness and trust. Any "little lies" have been 'fessed up and forgiven on both sides. It doesn't mean we're open books; anybody needs private head-space from their SO, and the SO needs to respect it. But no lying should be needed to keep that space private. I learned a great lesson from my first marriage's failings, and I chose someone I could be completely truthful with, and who is truthful with me. Someone who can respect my privacy and knows how to keep her privacy without resorting to lies, aggression or paranoia. In a nutshell, if you come clean, come clean all the way. If he loves you, and is a well-balanced person, he'll recognize your confession as what it is: the realization that lies will hurt your relationship, and that you love him more than your pride. It's not easy, but it's better than the alternative.