 Re: should we tell?
I agree that dropping hints is the way to start - but even that can backfire on you so you need to decide before you do if you can handle it if they cannot take it, and if you are willing to risk the friendship. I have heard of this working and I believe it can, but the friends we chose to drop hints too couldn't take it.
We had two sets of very close friends that we thought could handle it and might also benefit. Our intention was not to pressure them or hook up with them, but to be able to actually talk about the fun we have. It was to the point where they thought we just stayed at home and did nothing all of the time because we couldn't tell them the truth, and it made our times together less fun because we were keeping a huge secret. One couple I had been friends with since highschool and the other couple were friends that we had spent every special occassion with and vacationed together for over 10 years.
We never got the chance to elaborate on any of our hints with either couple. The female of the highschool couple completely freaked out, told other friends what she "thought" we were into, told us we were no longer welcome to play dice with the group we'd been playing with for about 6 years, and I have not spoken to her since. This was a few years ago.
The other couple changed the subject every time we dropped a hint - so we took the clue and haven't tried to even hint again. We still see them occasionally, but not as often and we don't have much to talk about when we do. They do know that we have a group of friends that we go to a lot of parties with - because we no longer party with them on New Years, etc. If they ever ask, we will tell them - but we don't bring it up anymore because we don't want to lose them like we did the other friends.
It's a tough call - I hope it works out for you better than it did for us! - Roni
|