Quote:
|
Originally Posted by chinadoll Sereneiders...You are correct in that I am under a lot of pressure. I am in many ways. Right again that I feel that I may lose him because of one reason or another. At this point, it is somewhat of a dissapointment for me too, to have to put my sexual fantasies on hold and if things aren't able to be repaired, then it would be permanently. However, my marriage is WAY more important, so I don't mind at all!! I feel also that swinging will not fix the marriage and I did consider continuing so that hubby would be happy and there would be less risk of losing him. But we all know that would end up worse for me in the end. It wasn't a very intelligent thought on my part. In light of more recent events revolving around this situation, I hope he is willing to put more effort into our relationship like he says he will. You are right once again, I can't pull it on my own and I have told him that also. I can only hope.... |
"However, my marriage is WAY more important"... mmm even than yourself? than your own happiness?... than your own life?
Sorry but, you're describing over and over a selfish pig up to do everithing he can to fulfill his desires, without looking at the consecuences for you. You said this isn't new, that you already sufered his lack of support... so I ask... then, what is what makes this marriage so valuabe for you? Kids? (I didn't heard of them so far) Or your fear of being unable to be alone and find out someone else wanting to be with someone as worthless as it seems you perceive yourself?
"I can't pull it on my own and I have told him that also. I can ONLY HOPE..."
You admit the only thing you can do is to HOPE, then you should know that's the ony strenght you have to pull it. And I've never seen a charriot being pulled by hope, instead by horses, bulls, people, dogs... but never seen a charriot move just because someone was sitting there, just hoping it will move.
Going on with the analogy, you DONT WANT to pull because you're affraid that, by pulling it, you may end up tearing the belts to find out the charriot didn't moved, at all, because of you. While you sit there, complaining and hoping, you're ensuring you won't get any proof on how weak or solid these belts already are.
And since this doesn't seem to be something new, I am starting to believe that some part of you is enjoying all of this.